The Rear View Mirror
In just about a month, I am turning 30. By most accounts I don't look like I am turning 30, nor do I really act like I am turning 30. I do though, as I have been reminded recently, the wisdom to be turning 30. My twenties were a time of a lot of learning, and I think I like the idea of leaving some of that craziness behind.
Up until now I have been a little sad about turning 30. It has been a moment of examining where I am in my life and what I have achieved. A little while ago I started asking myself questions about where I was career wise (I had one and I am now in the process of moving on to another one), where I was financially (see grad school loans), and where I was in terms of having kids (see grad school loans and more desire for freedom). Then I realized I was asking myself all of the wrong questions.
It is not about others' judge of where "I am at" in life. It is all about my own measures.
By my own measures, I am leaving my twenties having achieved something so valuable- I wouldn't give it up for anything. That is a complete grasp of who I am and what I want.
That means, first of all, being so thankful for what I have and the life I already lead. I have an amazing relationship with an amazing person I am lucky enough to call my husband. I have two cats that I am really glad to see everyday when I come home. I have great friends who help me realize important things like many of the thoughts above. I have a family I am learning to live with and love for who they are. I live in a house where I hold memories of being on my own and being in a great partnership. I have the freedom to leave a career that isn't my ultimate and go to graduate school for another one that might be. I have the fortune to be able to read the newspaper, go to yoga, shop where ever I want, and live in the most privileged country in the world.
Knowing who I am means that everyday I make decisions that I believe in. It means I know when I am doing my best and when I am not. It means that I can continue to think and talk about real things and to react honestly to those around me. It means knowing what I expect from those around me. It means holding myself to the highest standard I can. It means I can believe in my past journey and the path that lies ahead to bring me to even more challenging and happy times. It means that I can always return to those pieces and parts of me that remind me what is important.
So as I begin to get ready for a new decade in my life to unfold, I am ready to take stock of my twenties... to remember the lessons I learned, the people I met, and the experiences I had that all helped me to look inside as much as I looked ahead.
Up until now I have been a little sad about turning 30. It has been a moment of examining where I am in my life and what I have achieved. A little while ago I started asking myself questions about where I was career wise (I had one and I am now in the process of moving on to another one), where I was financially (see grad school loans), and where I was in terms of having kids (see grad school loans and more desire for freedom). Then I realized I was asking myself all of the wrong questions.
It is not about others' judge of where "I am at" in life. It is all about my own measures.
By my own measures, I am leaving my twenties having achieved something so valuable- I wouldn't give it up for anything. That is a complete grasp of who I am and what I want.
That means, first of all, being so thankful for what I have and the life I already lead. I have an amazing relationship with an amazing person I am lucky enough to call my husband. I have two cats that I am really glad to see everyday when I come home. I have great friends who help me realize important things like many of the thoughts above. I have a family I am learning to live with and love for who they are. I live in a house where I hold memories of being on my own and being in a great partnership. I have the freedom to leave a career that isn't my ultimate and go to graduate school for another one that might be. I have the fortune to be able to read the newspaper, go to yoga, shop where ever I want, and live in the most privileged country in the world.
Knowing who I am means that everyday I make decisions that I believe in. It means I know when I am doing my best and when I am not. It means that I can continue to think and talk about real things and to react honestly to those around me. It means knowing what I expect from those around me. It means holding myself to the highest standard I can. It means I can believe in my past journey and the path that lies ahead to bring me to even more challenging and happy times. It means that I can always return to those pieces and parts of me that remind me what is important.
So as I begin to get ready for a new decade in my life to unfold, I am ready to take stock of my twenties... to remember the lessons I learned, the people I met, and the experiences I had that all helped me to look inside as much as I looked ahead.
posted by KLOU | 8:49 PM
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