Project: Quiet Book Rehabilitation

Last September my Grandma Peterson passed away after a long struggle with COPD and debilitating demensia. Prior to being sick my Grandma had been a powerhouse all her life. She golfed a mean game, could talk to anyone about anything, loved the Cubs, cooked, sewed up a storm, and could organize stuff and people better than anyone I know.

Now that she is gone, reminders of her are everywhere for me. Everyday I see the samplers that she crossed stitched for my birth and for my marriage to Jff. I love the Christmas decorations she both made and gave me every year. I treasure so many other little things that she left behind for me. Thinking of her before her illnesses changed her makes me incredibly happy.

The one thing that I can't help but miss is that I wish she would have lived long enough to have met Benji. She had a such a way with babies and just was always brimming with so much love. I have been thinking a lot about my childhood with her and wishing for the same sort of person in my son's life. Because of this it has prompted me to track down some of the things that she made for me when I was a young girl.

One of the most important things in my memory was the "Quiet Book" Grandma made me. Since I don't think anyone will make one for Benjamin, I would love for him to be able to enjoy it (and take part in one of Grandma's legacies) as well.

This artifact was well loved and unfortunately was hidden in a box in my parents basement for a long time. My mom recently dug it out for me, and I realize that it needs a little TLC before it can be a favorite toddler toy of Benji's. Here is my plan:

Page 1 needs a new purple felt triangle with a small velcro piece sewed on the back. Page 2, the mitten could use some new eyes since the old marks faded when I washed it.

Page 4 needs a stain removed and all of the ladybug's black dots re-attached.

Page 5 and 6 are in good shape.

Page 7 needs a new (two layer) felt balloon with a snap sewn into it. On page 8 the football laces need to be re-washed and bleached to be white again.

Page 9 and 10 need some new beads, a replacement string of four beads, and some strings re-attached.

Then it will be as good as new! Hopefully, then it will endure many more years of love from Benji and any future kids.

Quiz: How do you know you have hit rock bottom?

I know that I really shouldn't be sitting on my computer on the Fourth of July, let alone posting on my blog (twice), but I have to say this somewhere:

Sometimes facebook makes me sad. It makes me sad when the same person takes a thousand and five Facebook quizzes a day. No, I am not talking about the occasional interest in "What Seinfeld character you would be?"... or "What color would you be?" (I admit I guilty of taking this one... for some unknown reason) I am, in fact, talking about the constant stream of results from various quizzes that are then relayed in my status updates. It tells me that the person in question either a) has WAY too much time on their hands, b) maybe having an identity crisis, c) didn't get enough quizzes in middle school in their Seventeen Magazine or d) have nothing more inspiring in their life to engage in rather than taking Facebook quizzes constantly.

Option e) "all of the above" leaves me tremendously distressed.

Today I believe I witnessed an Option E, or a hitting of rock bottom of sorts: one of my "friends" on facebook, a compulsive quiz-taker, took the quiz "What would I be if I were a 4th of July Firework?". 
Scary, wrong, disturbing, and most of all, uninteresting.

Peach White Wine Sangria, Please

 If I could drink right now,  this would be my drink of choice: Peach-White Wine Sangria*. Perfect for using a lot of garden basil and for delighting in the summer season.

*Thanks to notmartha.com for highlighting the recipe.

A message in my cereal bowl

This morning as I was putting fruit on my cereal, I had a thought that I have often:

There are a zillion and five paint/dye colors out there. However, it still seems like there is no true way to capture the colors that are created in the wild. Those colors are so deep, so vibrant, so fluid that it seems there is no way to really replicate them with synthetic mediums.


Examples?
The sunset I saw a few nights ago as I drove home through the River Valley. In parts of the sky there was barely any color and in other parts it was the deepest pink. I know that millions of paintings have tried to replicate this, but I don't think they ever quite succeed.

The cattails that we walked through last night. Husband, baby B and I went for a walk through a wet land nature preserve and in the evening light the greens were so incredibly vibrant in contrast with the beautiful dark water, it was breath taking. There is no comparison to the green of a living thing.

My blueberries this morning were that deep, deep blue with a bit of lighter color over the top. Hardly words to describe, but a color that makes you feel that it is fitting that you EAT blueberries, as a way to experience them to the fullest.

Fall leaves, especially the color of leaves from Maple trees. Last fall, on the morning of LLC's wedding, as I drove through the tree-lined streets on the way to the church, my breath was taken away as the sun came through many of these bright red leaves. I don't think I will ever forget that feeling or that picture in my mind.

It strikes me as I write this that maybe that is why winter is so hard for me (and many others)... I miss the vibrant colors and textures of the world while it is covered in white flatness that is either too dark or too bright. So I guess a reminder, in the middle of the summer, to enjoy the existence of color today, even if it is just in your bowl of cereal.

Attempting a Blog Post...

This post was written over two weeks ago and at first I wasn't going to post it since it remained unfinished, and frankly didn't have much to say, but in hopes of at least getting something posted to my blog, here it is:

Tonight I am on my own with the monkey man (as husband calls Benji). Husband is giving a talk at an evening event for work. Benji is currently sleeping in the swing which is giving me a short break. It is times like these that I have tremendous amount of respect for single mothers or stay at home moms whose husbands travel. It is hard to be on all day AND all night.

So just some random thoughts to give me a break from baby world for a few minutes:

Neighborhood watch, part two: today, the house across the street is getting re-roofed. The workers started early this morning and are still going. It has been fun to watch what is going on over there. I honestly don't know why I am so fascinated with watching projects in the neighborhood or why I think I need to write about it... I think I just like watching things get done, funny how it is a productive FEELING even if I am not personally accomplishing anything.

A woman who is both a personal friend and a professional mentor came over this afternoon to visit Benji and also to update me on some of the work that we do together. It was fun to see her, she is really a wonderful person. The only downside is that the visit reminded me of all of the changes that will be taking place this fall at the institution where I work. This fall will be interesting as the center where I am based out of will change. So currently, I am virtually boss-less and my program is home-less in a sense. There is a lot of work to be done when I return to work in the middle of August, all with shifting boundaries and responsibilities, and with a lot of shifts happening at home due to daycare, etc. It feels a bit overwhelming and for now I would rather have my head in the sand of summer.

For Father's day we went to a Twins game with my dad, step-mom, and brother. Benji was also in attendance. It was a great game- we had excellent seats down near the field behind left field. However, it was the first time that I actually was hoping for no homeruns because the crowd would get so crazy loud that it would scare Benji. There were four home runs of course.

Abrupt end-back to Benji duty.

New Toys

Last Friday we bought a new (used) car. We are now the proud owners of a 2008 Subaru Outback Wagon. It is charcoal gray, has heated seats, a built in roof rack, and it is really fun to drive. When I was in high school I drove a old Subaru wagon and loved the hatch back, and I have to say that I am still incredibly taken by the "fifth door". I have already used it for diaper changes while we are on the go, the stroller fits in beautifully, and it is a perfect way to travel with gardening supplies, outdoor equipment, and home improvement goodies. I think we will love that car, especially in the winter time. After a very long and drawn out decision making process (that included a very complex spread sheet thanks to husband) we didn't find the perfect combination of fuel efficiency, cargo space, and comfort, however, we did end up with a car that we like a lot until there are better options on the market.

So in the Subaru today, I tooled around the south metro. Visiting my sister, going to my step sister's garage sale, and visiting the in-laws. We returned home with some great new (used) toys and for Benjamin from the garage sale.

New toys for everyone!

People watching

Last Saturday Husband, Baby B, and I ventured out for a walk and a picnic by one of the lakes in the city. The weather was absolutely spectacular- lots of sun and a great breeze. The sailboats were racing on the lake, people were out paddling, swimming, walking, biking, and roller blading. We found a shady spot under some great trees on the northeast side of the lake near the rose garden where we spread out our blanket ate, napped, read, people watched, and played together.

Throughout the course of the afternoon we watched as set up was taking place for a wedding ceremony among the roses across the street. We saw the wedding party milling around in their brightly colored dresses and nice tuxedos, the old fashioned car for after the wedding, and the bride and groom posing for pictures near the gardens.

As all the walkers and bikers went by, they would remark about the gardens or maybe the wedding that was going to take place. Then, as the time for the ceremony was near, people began to gather just off the walking path, near where we were, to watch as the bride processed in and the ceremony got underway.

From where I sat, I couldn't see the wedding but I could see all the onlookers. It was really fun to watch the group grow in size, the people stand quietly and most with big smiles on their faces. No one crossed the street or tried to go anywhere near the ceremony, they just stood and watched from afar with great happiness for complete strangers as they got married. I found the whole scene very touching. It just seemed so marvelous, so friendly, and so happy. I don't know why, but it really made me feel good about people- that they are inherently good, that they do delight in each others happiness, and that we really are social creatures. It is great to know that people revel in each others happiness and that weddings, although they happen every day, are still sacred events to most people.

A Day in the Life

Since I don't do much other than baby lately, here are some pictures of what we have been up to...

 

The only way I garden lately... with Benji along for the ride. Although, when it comes to relaxing on a blanket by the lake, Benji is a pro. Looking at sky, tree branches, and leaves provides hours of entertainment.

Lately, we do a lot of swinging which means that Benji swings and I quickly do any of the following, (sometimes at the same time): shower, eat, laundry, use the bathroom, change clothes, or pick up the living room.


Bath time has become almost a daily thing around here- it generally follows a diaper blow out, a large spit up, or a fussy spell. Benji is a fantastic swimmer, most of the time doesn't pee or poop while we are in the tub, and will even patiently let me shower after the bath while he sits in his bouncy seat in the bathroom.

We do a lot of snuggling in our PJs- even though now that the weather is nicer we are spending more time on walks outside by one of the lakes (most of the time NOT in our PJs), every day involves a lot of loving and snuggling.

Sleeping... I would love to say this is a common activity at our house... At night: not too bad. During the day: rarely are we willing to sleep without constant companionship.

We do our fair share of laughing and smiling...

We also do our fair share of expressing our discontents...

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the ENORMOUS amount of time that we spend feeding (as evidenced by Benji's CHUNKER status), but I don't need to show you a picture of that.

Overall, we just do a lot of hanging out.

The Mommy Network

At the very beginning of my maternity leave, I confessed to my mom who was helping us out with Benjamin, "Mom, I don't know if I am going to be able to stay home for the whole summer..." I was nervous about taking care of Benji all day everyday by myself, especially while during the first week it took three adults to keep this house going (and I was still exhausted and overwhelmed!). I felt a little worried about being lonely or feeling isolated in my house daily with my little bundle of joy (and constant need).

Today, Benjamin is six weeks old. Time has flown. Now, instead of worrying about staying home, I worry about how to balance it all when I go back to work. I think of all the things that I could be doing during the day instead of being at work (don't get me wrong- overall, I do want to go back, I just want it all- work and time with B everyday). In the time since I worried about being isolated at home, I have discovered what probably a lot of people already know about: The Mommy Network.

This is not a website, no it is not a phone tree, or a twelve step program. It is the unofficial, just under the radar, collection of activities, things, and people that function to be a stay at home mom's social network. Don't get me wrong, everyone's is different, and you do have to make some efforts at finding it, but the shocker is that it is there for almost everyone that looks. I didn't think I would have one, or access to one, and I was very wrong. With very little effort, I now have many things, friends, and activities I wish I could continue doing come this fall when I will back at work full time. Here are some of my recent discoveries:

• Mom and Baby Yoga Bonding Class: A new yoga studio opened up a few blocks north of my house and this is a class that is being offered. Benji and I went to our first session yesterday. Not only did I learn a lot of different ways to massage and soothe him, but I learned a lot of poses that he and I can do together that will help me get back in shape. The best part? Other mothers and babies to meet, an instructor who is also a mom and a doula and is very connected to the natural community, all of this in my own neighborhood. Most importantly, Benji loved it. He was very calm during and afterwards.
  
• Walking Dates: My friends CS and I started walking around our respective lakes together last week and it is really great. Last week we got to talk and stroll around my lake and on the way home, we ran into our other friend heading out to the park with her 1 year old. We stood on the corner of my street- a gaggle of strollers and boy babies, catching up, soaking up advice (me), arranging to share hand me down clothes and gear. Then a few minutes later another mother on the block came down to talk professional opportunities with CS and join in... And I thought I didn't really have that many friends with kids... Several friends have disclosed that they are expecting their second!(yikes!) 
•  Mom and Baby Class: This is a discussion group offered through the hospital where I delivered and it is for mothers of new babies. It is designed for new moms to share discoveries and more importantly to ask questions of each other and the facilitator. There are a lot of things that are personal discoveries about your own child, but there are also many things that are helpful to hear about what other solutions people have found. It is nice also to hear that other moms feel generally as clueless as I do at times.
  
• Coffee Shop Dates: There is a coffee shop a few miles from my house that has a really cool play area for young kids. Because of this, moms flock to grab a cup and meet other moms and kids. I met another friend who is a mom for coffee here the other day. It was really fun to be able to watch her young one, feed Benji, and be out with the predominantly mom crowd all while we chatted and drank. It felt so fun to be able to go out to a place that was very kid (and mom) friendly.

I like that in the last few weeks of being at home my days have changed quite a bit. I am much more able to get out (by myself) with Benji and we now have a lot going on. I feel slightly guilty at times that he is napping in the car or in the Bjorn as we are out and about, but in the end, I think what they say is true: the secret to happy babies and kids is happy parents.  It is fun to feel like there is more to my life again than feeding a baby all day long, but also not going back to work yet.