Walking Around in the Dark
At night, I like walking around in the dark. When I get up for something, it is comforting to be able to find my way just by pure sense of space of where everything is with no help from my eyes. I guess I like the challenge of finding things just by touch--without fumbling around.
As I was sharing a morning chat and post-run coffee treat with LLC on Friday, I was thinking about the sense of moving around not with my head, but rather with my heart. It is true that since about April I have been focusing more on listening to what my heart says rather than my head. Sometimes I have to listen hard, or sometimes it is hard to follow, but it is kind of like feeling your way through the dark-- very rewarding when you find what you were looking for without fumbling around.
This spring, it was hard to resign my teaching job without being able to look ahead and to know what I was going to do, but I knew deep down I needed to do it. I am soooo happy that I did. I am reminded of that daily, lately, even while I have been on the picket line.
This summer when my sister had her baby and I was torn about how to deal with it, I just stuck to my gut. I wanted to see, know, and love the baby, but I knew that it wasn't right for me. Even though, I was horribly embarrassed and ashamed when people would ask me if I had seen the baby and I had to admit that I hadn't because of my sister, I knew that it was the right decision for me not to get entangled in it. I was reminded on Monday, when my sister sent a nice card with pictures of Emma in it that I had made the right decision. It was good to let her make up her own mind.
This spring and early summer I had to think hard about my girlfriends. What did I want that I wasn't getting? What did I need to ask for? Who made me feel happy? In just asking myself these simple questions, I started to make more of an effort to spend time with friends I enjoyed, doing things we liked. People's lights shine especially beautifully when you get to share things that you both enjoy together. It has been wonderful to enjoy the friends here, along with those that are far away, in very happy ways.
Most recently, I was struggling with an unknown future-working too hard to see, spending too much time thinking about the different ways it could turn out... Fearing I won't find a good job when I graduate, hoping that we can sell our house when it comes time to, essentially too much crystal balling. So as the weather has turned from summer to slightly more fall like, I have been reminded of the lovely present. How beautiful it is when the sun shines, how lucky I am to be able to run and do yoga, how lucky I am to be able to take inspiring classes and have them paid for by my really great job, how lucky I am to enjoy my time even though I might spend some of it writing papers and doing things I don't like, and most of all how lucky I am to have people who love and support me right here.
So Thank God for the dark, for a little less thinking, for more trusting my gut, and a lot less worrying.
As I was sharing a morning chat and post-run coffee treat with LLC on Friday, I was thinking about the sense of moving around not with my head, but rather with my heart. It is true that since about April I have been focusing more on listening to what my heart says rather than my head. Sometimes I have to listen hard, or sometimes it is hard to follow, but it is kind of like feeling your way through the dark-- very rewarding when you find what you were looking for without fumbling around.
This spring, it was hard to resign my teaching job without being able to look ahead and to know what I was going to do, but I knew deep down I needed to do it. I am soooo happy that I did. I am reminded of that daily, lately, even while I have been on the picket line.
This summer when my sister had her baby and I was torn about how to deal with it, I just stuck to my gut. I wanted to see, know, and love the baby, but I knew that it wasn't right for me. Even though, I was horribly embarrassed and ashamed when people would ask me if I had seen the baby and I had to admit that I hadn't because of my sister, I knew that it was the right decision for me not to get entangled in it. I was reminded on Monday, when my sister sent a nice card with pictures of Emma in it that I had made the right decision. It was good to let her make up her own mind.
This spring and early summer I had to think hard about my girlfriends. What did I want that I wasn't getting? What did I need to ask for? Who made me feel happy? In just asking myself these simple questions, I started to make more of an effort to spend time with friends I enjoyed, doing things we liked. People's lights shine especially beautifully when you get to share things that you both enjoy together. It has been wonderful to enjoy the friends here, along with those that are far away, in very happy ways.
Most recently, I was struggling with an unknown future-working too hard to see, spending too much time thinking about the different ways it could turn out... Fearing I won't find a good job when I graduate, hoping that we can sell our house when it comes time to, essentially too much crystal balling. So as the weather has turned from summer to slightly more fall like, I have been reminded of the lovely present. How beautiful it is when the sun shines, how lucky I am to be able to run and do yoga, how lucky I am to be able to take inspiring classes and have them paid for by my really great job, how lucky I am to enjoy my time even though I might spend some of it writing papers and doing things I don't like, and most of all how lucky I am to have people who love and support me right here.
So Thank God for the dark, for a little less thinking, for more trusting my gut, and a lot less worrying.
posted by KLOU | 8:28 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home