On Marriage: Year II
Two years ago today... I took the leap and married Jff. It is, far and away, the best decision I have ever made. We are really, truly, very happy--- even to the extent that sometimes I have no words to explain it.
Since I grew up with divorces happening all around me, I sometimes worried it wasn't really possible to have a really happy marriage. I didn't see a lot of fighting, but I also didn't see a lot of harmony or good communication.
I don't know if I have completely figured out why some people get divorced and others are in for the long haul, but mostly I think it is what you choose. I think you choose to do the hard work of communicating, you choose to be absolutely honest with yourself and your mate, and you also choose that other person with both their faults (which hopefully you can love as a part of who they are) and their sparkling attributes every day.
I think choice also has to do with who you choose in the first place. A lot of people are great people, just not together. A lot of people are together for the wrong reasons. A lot of people get married to be married, not to be married to their spouse. A lot of people marry for the romantic moment, not for the many moments where you just need a great partner.
In the end, though, some of it is inexplicable to me. How or why did I end up with an amazing partner and marriage? In part, it is that I asked the hard questions along the way. I eventually got rid of the guys who were not right for many different reasons. In part, I am committed to doing the hard work of communicating well and putting effort into my marriage. In part, I married someone else who was willing to do that same things. In part, I married someone who is really good at loving people and especially me. And in part, I just got lucky.
So, as I wish a happy anniversary to my perpetual playmate and partner-in-crime, I am appreciating the wonder of all that is and all that will be.
Thanks also to the many friends and family who continue to be a network of support and happiness. I was really touched today by how many people remembered our day today!
Since I grew up with divorces happening all around me, I sometimes worried it wasn't really possible to have a really happy marriage. I didn't see a lot of fighting, but I also didn't see a lot of harmony or good communication.
I don't know if I have completely figured out why some people get divorced and others are in for the long haul, but mostly I think it is what you choose. I think you choose to do the hard work of communicating, you choose to be absolutely honest with yourself and your mate, and you also choose that other person with both their faults (which hopefully you can love as a part of who they are) and their sparkling attributes every day.
I think choice also has to do with who you choose in the first place. A lot of people are great people, just not together. A lot of people are together for the wrong reasons. A lot of people get married to be married, not to be married to their spouse. A lot of people marry for the romantic moment, not for the many moments where you just need a great partner.
In the end, though, some of it is inexplicable to me. How or why did I end up with an amazing partner and marriage? In part, it is that I asked the hard questions along the way. I eventually got rid of the guys who were not right for many different reasons. In part, I am committed to doing the hard work of communicating well and putting effort into my marriage. In part, I married someone else who was willing to do that same things. In part, I married someone who is really good at loving people and especially me. And in part, I just got lucky.
So, as I wish a happy anniversary to my perpetual playmate and partner-in-crime, I am appreciating the wonder of all that is and all that will be.
Thanks also to the many friends and family who continue to be a network of support and happiness. I was really touched today by how many people remembered our day today!
posted by KLOU | 8:13 PM
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