Dealing with Tragedy
A long time ago I tried to stop thinking about why tragedies happen, they are often random with no good explanation… But it seems like every time I hear of something terrible happening I can’t help but search for order, some explanation. It is a strange realization that not all things make sense, or even have an upside to them.
Although I only started my new job barely a month ago, I have gotten to know my co-worker and office mate, who I will call BN, well. He is an open, friendly person and we often consult each other on judgment calls on student situations. Our friendship has also been helped out by the fact that he and his wife have been expecting, as well. There have been many jokes in the office suite about our joint office being turned into a nursery, etc. It also helps that we compare notes on the myriad of decisions that couples are faced with when having their first baby.
BN and his wife have been in the last weeks of their pregnancy and each day it seems like a great surprise whether or not he will be in the office that day or not. Students have been popping in for any news, curious about BN’s life changing event. BN’s been sharing with me he and his wife’s plan to have the baby at home, completely naturally, and many of their other new exciting ideas.
Last night as many of the students I have been traveling with were being too loud at the fire pit, my co-worker and I received news that BN’s wife had gone into labor, but that the baby had died in labor. We were shocked to the core, and as I lay in my tent knowing none of the details, I searched for reasons, explanation, understanding-- anything that would help me see the bright side of a horrific, terrible event. I came up empty-handed.
Today it has sunk in a bit more, but I am still wondering, thinking in circles about what it would be like to carry a baby full term, deliver it, and to lose it in the end. You would still have gone through the ENTIRE long and life changing experience of being pregnant, of planning for and loving this growing thing inside of you, not to mention the intensity of labor—all to end up without a baby.
It reminds me yet again of the devastating tragedies that people encounter in their lives all the time. I am humbled by the beautiful letter that BN wrote about their experience and their perspective moving forward, but I can’t help but feel like this is something you never get over… you just get past it. My compassion goes out to all people who have experienced something similar in their lives.
Although I only started my new job barely a month ago, I have gotten to know my co-worker and office mate, who I will call BN, well. He is an open, friendly person and we often consult each other on judgment calls on student situations. Our friendship has also been helped out by the fact that he and his wife have been expecting, as well. There have been many jokes in the office suite about our joint office being turned into a nursery, etc. It also helps that we compare notes on the myriad of decisions that couples are faced with when having their first baby.
BN and his wife have been in the last weeks of their pregnancy and each day it seems like a great surprise whether or not he will be in the office that day or not. Students have been popping in for any news, curious about BN’s life changing event. BN’s been sharing with me he and his wife’s plan to have the baby at home, completely naturally, and many of their other new exciting ideas.
Last night as many of the students I have been traveling with were being too loud at the fire pit, my co-worker and I received news that BN’s wife had gone into labor, but that the baby had died in labor. We were shocked to the core, and as I lay in my tent knowing none of the details, I searched for reasons, explanation, understanding-- anything that would help me see the bright side of a horrific, terrible event. I came up empty-handed.
Today it has sunk in a bit more, but I am still wondering, thinking in circles about what it would be like to carry a baby full term, deliver it, and to lose it in the end. You would still have gone through the ENTIRE long and life changing experience of being pregnant, of planning for and loving this growing thing inside of you, not to mention the intensity of labor—all to end up without a baby.
It reminds me yet again of the devastating tragedies that people encounter in their lives all the time. I am humbled by the beautiful letter that BN wrote about their experience and their perspective moving forward, but I can’t help but feel like this is something you never get over… you just get past it. My compassion goes out to all people who have experienced something similar in their lives.
posted by KLOU | 6:58 PM
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