Told Ya So...
Thank God I don't have a husband that says things like "I told you so," but I guess I deserve it.
At the beginning of the semester I decided, instead of taking 6 credits like last semester (because I wasn't busy enough?), that I would take 8 credits. Jff did his best to both be supportive, but try and talk me out of it..("Do you really need to take that third class?") I would respond by saying that I thought this semester teaching would be less work (was I on crack?), that it would help me graduate by next May (true), and that my third class may not be offered again (at this point, I realize it shouldn't be offered again). But hey, I am no stranger to loads of school work- well seasoned to working at night, all night, on weekends, all weekend, etc.
I didn't think much of it at first. In fact I remember a few, "that sounds pretty reasonable" or "that's not so bad, so and so really has it bad." But, the slow burn has started. Now of course when people hear that I am doing 8 credits and teaching 60% they say things like, "Wow, that is really, really a lot work," or "How are you doing that?" I wish I would have gotten a few more reactions like that AND started to feel the burn BEFORE the deadline to drop classes passed.
So anyways, I am now daily doing my best to keep my wits about me. I can often feel that quiet panic rising inside of me, when I realize I have another thing to get done before such and such a day. Having a lot of work to do is sometimes frustrating just because of the fun things you have to forgo just to get it done. Other times there is just too much. I am actively making the decision lately about the least worst thing not to get done. Most of the time lately, it is that deep despair of really wanting to do the work, just not knowing when and where I can hide from life so that I can get it done.
The real challenge is knowing when and where I should be taking breaks. Was x-country skiing for 3 hours Sunday too much time not working? Is it hurting me now to be taking a mental break to blog? I end up analyzing constantly. Could I use the 5 minutes on the train to get a few more pages read? Can I use the car ride home from Jff's parents house to get something done? Maybe I should just stay up really late a couple of nights and get really good work done. I can probably forgo sleep for a little while... The mental gymnastics of the time game continue.
I just keep telling myself... two more months...70 pages of research/writing... presentations, reading, and leading discussion over...the AP test over...I can live through it.
This is temporary until I am done and can choose TO NEVER DO THIS AGAIN.
At the beginning of the semester I decided, instead of taking 6 credits like last semester (because I wasn't busy enough?), that I would take 8 credits. Jff did his best to both be supportive, but try and talk me out of it..("Do you really need to take that third class?") I would respond by saying that I thought this semester teaching would be less work (was I on crack?), that it would help me graduate by next May (true), and that my third class may not be offered again (at this point, I realize it shouldn't be offered again). But hey, I am no stranger to loads of school work- well seasoned to working at night, all night, on weekends, all weekend, etc.
I didn't think much of it at first. In fact I remember a few, "that sounds pretty reasonable" or "that's not so bad, so and so really has it bad." But, the slow burn has started. Now of course when people hear that I am doing 8 credits and teaching 60% they say things like, "Wow, that is really, really a lot work," or "How are you doing that?" I wish I would have gotten a few more reactions like that AND started to feel the burn BEFORE the deadline to drop classes passed.
So anyways, I am now daily doing my best to keep my wits about me. I can often feel that quiet panic rising inside of me, when I realize I have another thing to get done before such and such a day. Having a lot of work to do is sometimes frustrating just because of the fun things you have to forgo just to get it done. Other times there is just too much. I am actively making the decision lately about the least worst thing not to get done. Most of the time lately, it is that deep despair of really wanting to do the work, just not knowing when and where I can hide from life so that I can get it done.
The real challenge is knowing when and where I should be taking breaks. Was x-country skiing for 3 hours Sunday too much time not working? Is it hurting me now to be taking a mental break to blog? I end up analyzing constantly. Could I use the 5 minutes on the train to get a few more pages read? Can I use the car ride home from Jff's parents house to get something done? Maybe I should just stay up really late a couple of nights and get really good work done. I can probably forgo sleep for a little while... The mental gymnastics of the time game continue.
I just keep telling myself... two more months...70 pages of research/writing... presentations, reading, and leading discussion over...the AP test over...I can live through it.
This is temporary until I am done and can choose TO NEVER DO THIS AGAIN.
posted by KLOU | 11:40 AM
1 Comments:
Yikes, maybe we shouldn't hang out, because I'd rather have a live KLOU at the end of the semester than a frazzled, burnt-out one!
OR you can tell yourself that sleep is utterly not important, just as Caribou's tagline implies--"Life is short; stay awake for it." ;o) You can catch up on sleep when dead!
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