The things we carry

My experiences at Philosophy Camp are fading into the distance today as I struggle with grad school forms and decisions. However, I can't help but reflect on the question that we asked students during the final learning circle:

Think about what you came here with and will be leaving behind, and think about what you having picked up here and will be carrying with you when you leave.

What did I leave behind and what did I take with me, while I was there?

I went to camp having just finished my teaching career two days earlier. I was filled with mental to-do lists, worries about the next step, and my all-too often focus on future goals. When I got there the first day, there was nothing for me to do right away. I was briefly disoriented- when in the last four months have I not had anything to do? But the better part of me soon took over and I confidently strode in the direction of the farm- what could I see and what fun could I have with my free time?

The open prairie, the wind, the animals, and the view stretching so far reminded me that it is not about constant goals and knowing exactly where you are going, but rather enjoying the journey and experiences of slowly getting to where you will be. I left my to-dos, my shoulds, and my desire to plan somewhere on the prairie. In the end it was not hard- the walks with friends, the late night star gazing, the moments of contemplation, the journal writing, the visits to the old barn with the kittens in it, and the outdoor yoga all reminded me of the importance of the here and now over future planning. It felt amazing and like an old friend at the same time.

What did I leave the prairie with, other than a desire to see it in all seasons? I left having learned many different new skills, with a renewed dedication to the ways in which we create sustainable lives for ourselves, with new knowledge about how to build a house that uses renewable resources as energy sources, a vision of the most effective type of education I have ever been apart of, and an appreciation for the processes which guides this type of education.

I also left with burning questions: How do I recreate more effective communities in my life, nourish the few that already exist, and continually find new ones? How do I go further to talk about the intangibles? The amazing conversations, the interactions, the emotions that wrap it all up, the intense desire to go back, the freeing, clear vision that this experience gave me to understand the things and people that are most important to me in my life? These are the most important pieces that I don't want to forget.

I returned home Saturday wanting to see husband, the kitties, and to sleep in my own bed. The process of getting home was difficult though, leaving the prairie, the community of philosophy camp, the beautiful Shalom Hill Farm, encountering traffic, seeing the construction of new big box stores near our house, and seeing and hearing the inevitable approach of an airplane over our house. The simplicity and yet the deeply affecting experience of "camp" was not something that I could just forget about instantly. I felt a little like someone who travels abroad and comes back not sure how to reintegrate, not sure how to carry some of that important learning forward, but with a desire to do so anyways.

Days later, I am glad to be home, having enjoyed the remainder of the weekend. I still, however, feel a little lighter on my feet with the incredible views I was able to see at camp.