If I could just find out...

I often get teased by husband for being a sucker for movies and books that I have never seen or read before. I have a hard time putting them down until I ‘find out about how everything turns out’… This often causes problems in terms of too-late bedtimes and lower productivity when I have homework in the evenings.

I have the same problem in real life sometimes- I want to know how things will work out. I want to plan, plan, plan when really nothing ever turns out the way you think it will. All summer it has been all about waiting to find out about ‘how everything turns out’. What job will I get, how will that impact my personal decisions, how will it impact the classes I take, when will I graduate, and will the graduate school accept my thesis proposal? Now that things are finally coming into view and everything is more settled momentarily, I find myself craving that in the larger sense.

I want to know how everything will turn out in a year or two… Will I be able to find a job in my new career? When will husband’s car finally die and will be ready to purchase a new car? Will we move or stay put for a long time? It is hard for me not to know the answers to these questions and many more.

I think this is all a sign of needing to get involved in my job, start new classes in the fall, and to just start moving forward again. Too much waiting and wondering this summer has lead me to stand just a bit too still, to look ahead a little too far, and to want to know a little too much. Back to thinking about the little successes and exciting bits of every day, enjoying the slowing unfolding future. No need to stand too long at the overlook just to see everything- back to the hike- and the unknown journey of the path.