Job Failure

I am back after a bit of a prolonged absence. I just could not bring myself to blog this week. I was busy reading Harry Potter #7, applying for jobs, and working on various projects around the house. I was also nursing a big disappointment, and now I am better.

On Monday, I got the phone call that told me I did not get my dream job.

The rejection ended a month-long saga that I will summarize here:

Job positing is sent to me by father-in-law, he was aware that this was a coveted job.

I blew off the job posting: Master's degree required (which I am only half way done with), and a it would be a career change that would require me to slow down grad school, commute, and work full time. Mostly I just didn't think I had any chance of getting it.

Father-in-law tells me to call the director, who he works with: "I think you are very well qualified, and should at least hear what he has to say"

I talk with Executive Director over the phone about the job and my experiences. I do this mainly to satisfy others. He is really excited and tells me: "I can only strongly, strongly encourage you to apply" and "Talking to you has just made my day." I slowly begin the application process with apprehension.

I struggle making the decision if I should even apply- do I really want to commute, push off finishing grad school, and try to work full time while going to school? Do I want this job more than the job being posted at the University?

I talk with various close friends about my decision. I start to get excited about the opportunity to work like I have my Masters while I am still getting it. I think about what fun it would be to do the job, what great ideas I have for programming, how great it would be to have a full time salary once again, how great my resume would be...

I interview. It goes really well. They tell me what the benefit package and salary would be. They are considering paying my tuition instead of benefits. The next day they are checking my references. I am really, really excited about the job. All other decisions about life are on hold until I find out about the job.

They call to tell me they are glad I interviewed and that the last candidate has pushed off her interview so it will be more than a week before they can let me know. But they assure me that this final candidate is part of protocol and that I remain a "very viable" candidate. (in other words, don't run off to another job before we have a final outcome.)

A week later, no phone call. I am sure this means they won't hire me. I believe they would have called the first day after the last interview if they wanted to offer me the position. I am assured that Fridays in the summer, etc, are obstacles and that I will hear on Monday. Sunday, I am sure that I will not be offered the job, but am more optimistic after run with LLC and dinner with the in-laws.

Monday I meet with graduate adviser, who also pushes me to be optimistic. This job would be fabulous for what I want to write my graduate thesis on... Moments after the meeting, I get the phone call that tells me they hired the last minute interviewee because of the amount of experience this candidate had doing exactly what they wanted. That it was a struggle to not choose me, but I represented more of a "gamble" for them based on my lack of experience.

I am crushed. This is the first job I have ever interviewed for that I haven't gotten. I didn't even want to apply for it at first, and now I am in tears calling husband because I didn't get it. I just want to curl up in bed and not come out. I do not want to have to explain to my wonderfully patient and enthusiastic friends that I did not get the job after so many conversations and "have you heard from ----- yet?"

Tuesday, I step back and realize a few things:

1) There are other jobs.

2) It is okay to fail at getting a job. Falling on your face hurts, but it goes away after a little while.

3) In fact, I am proud of being able to share this with the people I love. It makes me incredibly human, real, and not perfect (thank God- too much pressure and so much distance from those around you).

4) That I have an amazing support network. My friends were fabulous the whole way through, especially when I didn't get the dream job. When I sent an email out to the pals who had been apart of my process, I got great phone messages, I got funny and touching email responses, I had invitations to the gym, for a drink, or shopping , I was taken out to lunch and to an afternoon movie . I have to say the best reminder came from LLC when we were running and I told her I was afraid of telling everyone I didn't get the job she said: "It is just a great chance for us to be able to support you." What a nice thing to say and the best thing to think about in a situation like this.