Friends like AP
Today I met a good friend from college for lunch. Although he now lives in California, and we never talk long-distance, we remain good friends. Over salads today, it was as though we hadn't missed a beat. We were talking about teacher filing systems, cats, common friends, and rivers up north. We laughed a lot at ourselves and just had a good time.
In some ways it is strange that we remain such good friends. We are NOTHING alike. We never take the time to call or hardly email each other. We don't share the big things in life- I didn't invite him to my wedding, I forgot to tell him I stopped teaching, I can't remember the name of his long-time girlfriend who lives in California, nor the city he teaches in.
But then again, I think there are many reasons why we remain friends. One is that we have similar senses of humor and common interests- music, the outdoors, education.
Another is that we have a shared history- knowing each other since college is powerful, especially because we always floated in and out of each others lives for the period of our lives after college. He visited me in Milwaukee while I was miserably lonely and encouraged me to do some things differently. I visited him on a nature preserve in South Carolina a summer when he needed a touch of reality.
I also think that we have always felt like there is nothing to lose in being able to really talk about things honestly. We talk about the harder things in life, wonder about the things we are not good at, just as easily as we talk about the things that have gone well for us. There seems no point in not being ourselves, I guess. Just today, I was saying, "yeah, I am trying to be Zen about it and let go of it...but then again, I have never been very good at that, have I?" We both just laughed-- to which he said, "it is most important to know who you are and what you can and can't do--- I mean, I like to think I am that goose in the flock of geese that is at the very front, but let's be honest, I am not, right?"... too which we laughed again at the truth of it all.
After we promised to be better at staying in touch and I returned to work this afternoon, I got to thinking that friends like AP are important even though they are not a constant presence. They are the people who show up out of the blue and help you remember all the different places you have been, how much you really do "know" now, and that the unexpected is always where the treasure in life is.
In some ways it is strange that we remain such good friends. We are NOTHING alike. We never take the time to call or hardly email each other. We don't share the big things in life- I didn't invite him to my wedding, I forgot to tell him I stopped teaching, I can't remember the name of his long-time girlfriend who lives in California, nor the city he teaches in.
But then again, I think there are many reasons why we remain friends. One is that we have similar senses of humor and common interests- music, the outdoors, education.
Another is that we have a shared history- knowing each other since college is powerful, especially because we always floated in and out of each others lives for the period of our lives after college. He visited me in Milwaukee while I was miserably lonely and encouraged me to do some things differently. I visited him on a nature preserve in South Carolina a summer when he needed a touch of reality.
I also think that we have always felt like there is nothing to lose in being able to really talk about things honestly. We talk about the harder things in life, wonder about the things we are not good at, just as easily as we talk about the things that have gone well for us. There seems no point in not being ourselves, I guess. Just today, I was saying, "yeah, I am trying to be Zen about it and let go of it...but then again, I have never been very good at that, have I?" We both just laughed-- to which he said, "it is most important to know who you are and what you can and can't do--- I mean, I like to think I am that goose in the flock of geese that is at the very front, but let's be honest, I am not, right?"... too which we laughed again at the truth of it all.
After we promised to be better at staying in touch and I returned to work this afternoon, I got to thinking that friends like AP are important even though they are not a constant presence. They are the people who show up out of the blue and help you remember all the different places you have been, how much you really do "know" now, and that the unexpected is always where the treasure in life is.
posted by KLOU | 6:56 PM
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