Marching forth, belly held high
Sometimes it is lonely to make a leap.
A post on our terrific vacation is forth-coming, we had a great time. While we were traveling, though, there were clear reminders that things had shifted and might never be quite the same. We are both used to having very adventuresome trips where we are spontaneous and very active. I was reminded by swollen hands and ankles that even a light hiking trail for six miles was too much for me. There were stops for extra Tylenol, bathrooms, and more water throughout our trip. There were literally mountains to climb that were foregone for now.
Husband and I have taken many of the changes of pregnancy in stride, yet it is a big transition. Changes... something I am getting better at, but still need a fair amount of time to fully accept.
As we drove from the Grand Canyon back down to Sedona Jff and I spend a lot of time talking about changing parts of our lives. What we may still do with kids, somethings that may be put on hold for a while, what we still need to do to be ready for baby, and even the friends who will likely disappear after we have a third wheel. We are planning for the costs of day care, while most other people we spend time with are planning big purchases and vacations.
It can feel difficult to make decisions that you know are right for you individually, but that hardly anyone else is considering. It can be lonely and isolating to be in "special circumstances" for nine months, and then really different once you have a third member of your family.
I miss playing sports with my friends. I get tired of the choice to either stay home and miss seeing friends or to go with and watch husband and everyone else participate, while I feel pretty stupid just standing there. Tonight at the gym, another reminder: I had terrible stomach cramps after walking for 20 minutes and doing the eliptical for 10 minutes- I barely worked up a sweat. While there, I get to watch 90% percent of people kind of gawk at me while I walked past. Yes, I have a big belly, thanks for staring. I am going out with some friends this weekend, but several times have thought about cancelling because it feels awkward to be so big and different looking. I keep imagining people saying to themselves, "boy, she shouldn't be out, but rather home in bed." Husband and I just went through the horrible ordeal of not being able to find daycare- it took us almost two months, at least 15 disappointing interviews, and a spreadsheet with over 50 names and phone numbers on it. It was hard- there was almost no one who I could talk to about it.
I hesitate to even post this when I am done writing it. I have been incredibly happy to be pregnant and for most of it, at peace with all the changes taking place. I have been lucky to have a friend who up until yesterday was pregnant with me, I have a few friends who are already moms who have been great examples for me, I have friends planning a baby shower for me, and most of all an incredibly wonderful husband who is right there with me most of the time.
However, it can feel at times tough to take all the changes in stride and to have few people realize what is happening on the inside for me. When people say things that are well meaning, but extremely clueless, I have been good about just biting my tongue and knowing that some day they too will understand. It can be lonely to be one of the first to take the jump because you envy those behind you who will inevitably have your advice when they jump, but whose advice or comraderie you don't have now.
I guess it is one of those things where you only know by doing, and most people I know haven't been doing any doing.
So for now, I will continue to be thankful for the resources and friends I do have, and I will continue to march forth to May 2nd, belly held high, thankful that this transition time will soon be over and that some day I will just feel like a normal person again.
A post on our terrific vacation is forth-coming, we had a great time. While we were traveling, though, there were clear reminders that things had shifted and might never be quite the same. We are both used to having very adventuresome trips where we are spontaneous and very active. I was reminded by swollen hands and ankles that even a light hiking trail for six miles was too much for me. There were stops for extra Tylenol, bathrooms, and more water throughout our trip. There were literally mountains to climb that were foregone for now.
Husband and I have taken many of the changes of pregnancy in stride, yet it is a big transition. Changes... something I am getting better at, but still need a fair amount of time to fully accept.
As we drove from the Grand Canyon back down to Sedona Jff and I spend a lot of time talking about changing parts of our lives. What we may still do with kids, somethings that may be put on hold for a while, what we still need to do to be ready for baby, and even the friends who will likely disappear after we have a third wheel. We are planning for the costs of day care, while most other people we spend time with are planning big purchases and vacations.
It can feel difficult to make decisions that you know are right for you individually, but that hardly anyone else is considering. It can be lonely and isolating to be in "special circumstances" for nine months, and then really different once you have a third member of your family.
I miss playing sports with my friends. I get tired of the choice to either stay home and miss seeing friends or to go with and watch husband and everyone else participate, while I feel pretty stupid just standing there. Tonight at the gym, another reminder: I had terrible stomach cramps after walking for 20 minutes and doing the eliptical for 10 minutes- I barely worked up a sweat. While there, I get to watch 90% percent of people kind of gawk at me while I walked past. Yes, I have a big belly, thanks for staring. I am going out with some friends this weekend, but several times have thought about cancelling because it feels awkward to be so big and different looking. I keep imagining people saying to themselves, "boy, she shouldn't be out, but rather home in bed." Husband and I just went through the horrible ordeal of not being able to find daycare- it took us almost two months, at least 15 disappointing interviews, and a spreadsheet with over 50 names and phone numbers on it. It was hard- there was almost no one who I could talk to about it.
I hesitate to even post this when I am done writing it. I have been incredibly happy to be pregnant and for most of it, at peace with all the changes taking place. I have been lucky to have a friend who up until yesterday was pregnant with me, I have a few friends who are already moms who have been great examples for me, I have friends planning a baby shower for me, and most of all an incredibly wonderful husband who is right there with me most of the time.
However, it can feel at times tough to take all the changes in stride and to have few people realize what is happening on the inside for me. When people say things that are well meaning, but extremely clueless, I have been good about just biting my tongue and knowing that some day they too will understand. It can be lonely to be one of the first to take the jump because you envy those behind you who will inevitably have your advice when they jump, but whose advice or comraderie you don't have now.
I guess it is one of those things where you only know by doing, and most people I know haven't been doing any doing.
So for now, I will continue to be thankful for the resources and friends I do have, and I will continue to march forth to May 2nd, belly held high, thankful that this transition time will soon be over and that some day I will just feel like a normal person again.
posted by KLOU | 7:51 PM
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