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Location: Midwest, United States

Friday, May 04, 2007

The "Dean" Scream

As many of you know, I teach politics to 18 year olds. Well at least for one more month, I do.

Today, I completed the AP audit, we did the final review session, and Monday is the AP test. The end is near.

This is where a little goofy turns to out right pandemonium. If the requests to have class outside weren't intense enough prior to target:AP test, hold on to your hats folks- here it comes.

The thing is that right now, I am afraid to roll my eyes like usual. Because I can't help thinking I will miss it. So right now I am just doing a little bit of soaking-it-up. And a little bit of choking up.

I am leaving teaching. I don't know if I ever thought I would say that. As relieved as I am to maybe have a little bit more of my life to myself, I am sad. For part of me it feels like a failure, the other part is just honest: I will miss the kids.

Somewhere in the beginning of the semester--when I was talking about media spin and gave the example of the Dean scream during election '04 -- it first happened. A devout Republican in my class belted out THE scream. We all laughed and moved on.

Then it started to happen every day. Usually in response to a particularly sassy comment on my part or when I was chastising them for more talking than learning. It usually draws a smile and further sassing on my part. Occasionally, it draws threats.

They have vowed to do it every day now until I show it to them on Utube. It is a battle of wills at this point. I have the upper hand since I know it won't stop once I do show it to them anyways. Plus, they know I think it is funny.

The scream is here to stay.

However, there was no scream yesterday when I told them that I had resigned. Just a lot of questions and some sad looks.

Tonight as I was chaperoning a performance at school, I myself was feeling sad. Sad for leaving so soon, sad for not knowing when I would again (if ever) be able to watch my students perform, sad for all the unfulfilled potential that this job had held for me just two short years ago, sad for knowing how hard that job is for me.

Former and current students who came to talk to me during intermission were wishing me well and dishing about the upcoming test.

Then, when the lights went down and there was a lot of screaming, I heard it.

The "Dean" Scream--just for me.

Oh, the gifts they give.

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