Social SECURITY?

Recently, I have been going through name-change hell. I have spent hours trying to make my way through phone menus and elevator music in order to "take" my married name. I have been cutting up old credit cards and activating new ones. I have been explaining why my name on my driver's license doesn't match my name on my brand new credit cards. I should have known that all of this was going to look like child's play after tangling with the social security administration. (Forewarning: Rant forthcoming...)

I was prepared (or so I thought), I had gotten the social security form from the human resources department at work. Filled it out ahead of time. Had my marriage license, passport, drivers license, and book in hand. Waited the requisite hour in the waiting room before my number was called. A second later I was sent packing because I didn't have "a photo id with married name on it". I was confused most other friends had gone to get their social security card before getting their drivers license? Apparently, "due to new Homeland Security rules put in place 6 months ago by the U.S. Congress, they need to verify with new photo id AND old photo id that your name has changed before they can issue you a new social security card." Oh those, Senators and Representatives, always doing such important things. Don't worry about tackling our oil dependency, universal healthcare, or ending the War in Iraq, make an inane rule change that really does improve our daily lives.

Next Stop DMV, to get new photo id (driver's license) with new name on it. They didn't even really look at the marriage license and did nothing else to verify I was who I said I was before changing my name on my drivers license... Way to go Homeland Security... Beefing up our "security" every day, in new ways! "You will receive your new license in 2-3 weeks". Or 5.

So last week, as my window to change my name with the school district where I work was slowly diminishing before the kids arrive (and you can't do it without your new social security card), I began to wonder where my new driver's license was. At dinner that night, friend A assured me she had just gotten her new card BEFORE her new license. So I called the national social security administration. They assured me that I did not need a new photo id to get my new social security card. (Are you sick of this story yet, because I am...)

So bravely, I venture BACK to the SSA office. Wait the requisite hour. Sent booking within three minutes, after the woman told me they were "the only office in the tri-state area following the rules, the right way. I have reported to my supervisor all the other offices that are not following the correct procedure." So to clarify, I can drive another 10 miles to another office and they will change my name without a new driver's license? "Yes."

Four dollars in parking fees and 45 minutes later I emerged from the other SSA office a proud owner of a letter assuring me my social security card should arrive within 7-10 days. It only took me 30 days and 3 visits to get it done. Imagine what would have taken place if I didn't speak English, or was petrified of the bureaucracy.

Of course, my new driver's license arrived in the mail the next day. I am now official. Yippee! Now if my new social security card would just arrive in the mail...

So when people ask this fall what I did this summer, I feel like saying "I changed my name and hung out with people at the SSA, checked my mail a lot, and plotted several horrible deaths for SSA woman in suburban office job." (now I will for sure be on the FBI's list) Awesome good times. And all of this is making us safer, day by day, year by year, we are getting those terrorists, right?