As good as it gets

Written 11/10/09

I am not going to lie… that once in a while I envy moms who stay home. Not because it is easy, but just because it is simpler… They get all the time they want with their little one during the day and then when dad comes home they can go see friends, go to the gym, etc without losing out on time with the most important person to them. They don’t have to partake in the constant craziness of managing both work and home – never feeling like you can do enough in either place.

Working moms constantly have to choose: more effort at work and less effort at home? More of a social life and less time with my child? More me time and less family time? More exercise time and less time to make healthy meals? The choices are constant and not easy…

That is why I have felt so lucky this week: husband has made it possible for me NOT to have to choose, I have been able to do both.  This week we are in North Carolina for both vacation and work.  I was faced with the dilemma of a required work conference and continuing to nurse Benji (not to mention leaving him for 4 days). So husband agreed to accompany me and the boy to North Carolina- take vacation from his job, care for Benji while I am working, and be away from home for this week.

Although the retreat center where we are staying is not the easiest place to care for a baby (no television, wifi, refrigerators in the rooms), husband has stuck around so that on every break from the conference I have been able to run up a flight of stairs to our room and spend time with both husband and Benji (including nursing). He has been completely beholden to the schedule of the conference and done a marvelous job doing interesting things with our son.

I have been able to be completely focused on whatever I am doing for a change. While I am in sessions, or like today, leading a session, I was able to be completely on, engaged and energized by the work I do and the people I do it with. When I am not in the conference, I am able to enjoy being a family with the boys, playing, laughing, snuggling, and being on vacation. Today as I was talking with a colleague, we ran into husband and Benji in the main area of the lodge. My colleague, like many other people here, cooed and sweet-talked Benjamin. It all felt completely normal to be discussing family and work in the same paragraph. I got to see him while I was also engaged in real adult conversation about something that mattered to me. I have to say it felt like something more moms should be able to experience.

So tonight as I reflected on the realities of my life right now, I couldn’t help but feel so lucky. I know that I wouldn’t REALLY want to be home every day, no matter how much simpler it might make things. I like my job and feel engaged by the work I do. I have supportive family-helpers. I have friends who have supported me through returning to work (and a few who have shown me how it is done). Most of all, I have a husband helps me juggle mommy-hood with a career, even when it means traveling across the country with us.