The Path Not Taken...
The news was dropped in a mass email... my 23 year-old sister is pregnant just 2 months after getting married. I was, well, am shocked. I think my shock in part is this- just how different can two people with the same mom be?
I have really come to love my path in life. I spent some time in my mid-twenties living alone, making my own decisions, really living life without many restrictions. In my late twenties I finally got married, but to the best possible person. This after years of looking around. Now I am pursuing my master's degree at a big 10 University and loving my life with husband without kids.
Now, I know someday I will have kids, and probably since I am close to thirty, that day will be sooner rather than later. BUT, I just cannot fathom having a child at the age of 23. I think in some big ways, I was still a child at that age (and I have always been the 'mature' one of my sister and I). I may have felt like I had it all together--but looking back-- I didn't. That didn't really come until I was about 25 or 26.
The other day I was jolted when a good friend of mine said, "wow, you really have to have a strong marriage to survive the sleep deprivation and tag-team life style of a baby! I can't imagine doing this with someone you don't know inside and out." I hadn't thought of it that way, but it really made me think how glad I am that husband and I don't have to do that yet.
Yeah, I know I am sounding really judgmental right now. That's because I am being judgmental, I can't help it. I should be happy for my sister, but instead I am lamenting what she shouldn't be doing. I think at the heart of it, I am disappointed for her, for all she does not yet know.
I am sad for her. I am sad for all the time she won't spend alone with her husband developing their own ideas and traditions. I am sad for all the fun, adventurous, young things she won't get to do on a moments notice. I am sad that she will have no friends to share being a mom with. I am sad she will have been either a dependent daughter or a mother to be depended on, her whole life.
I guess in the end, I have to remember those are my ideals. And the bottom line is that we just don't share those. A career and grad school were never HER dreams. She just wants to have lots of kids and have a house in suburb #2456789. So, I can hope for her to be happy with the choices that she has made. I can hope that her baby is healthy. I can hope that her young marriage survives the stress of baby-dom. I can hope that she comes to love her life's path.
I have really come to love my path in life. I spent some time in my mid-twenties living alone, making my own decisions, really living life without many restrictions. In my late twenties I finally got married, but to the best possible person. This after years of looking around. Now I am pursuing my master's degree at a big 10 University and loving my life with husband without kids.
Now, I know someday I will have kids, and probably since I am close to thirty, that day will be sooner rather than later. BUT, I just cannot fathom having a child at the age of 23. I think in some big ways, I was still a child at that age (and I have always been the 'mature' one of my sister and I). I may have felt like I had it all together--but looking back-- I didn't. That didn't really come until I was about 25 or 26.
The other day I was jolted when a good friend of mine said, "wow, you really have to have a strong marriage to survive the sleep deprivation and tag-team life style of a baby! I can't imagine doing this with someone you don't know inside and out." I hadn't thought of it that way, but it really made me think how glad I am that husband and I don't have to do that yet.
Yeah, I know I am sounding really judgmental right now. That's because I am being judgmental, I can't help it. I should be happy for my sister, but instead I am lamenting what she shouldn't be doing. I think at the heart of it, I am disappointed for her, for all she does not yet know.
I am sad for her. I am sad for all the time she won't spend alone with her husband developing their own ideas and traditions. I am sad for all the fun, adventurous, young things she won't get to do on a moments notice. I am sad that she will have no friends to share being a mom with. I am sad she will have been either a dependent daughter or a mother to be depended on, her whole life.
I guess in the end, I have to remember those are my ideals. And the bottom line is that we just don't share those. A career and grad school were never HER dreams. She just wants to have lots of kids and have a house in suburb #2456789. So, I can hope for her to be happy with the choices that she has made. I can hope that her baby is healthy. I can hope that her young marriage survives the stress of baby-dom. I can hope that she comes to love her life's path.
posted by KLOU | 3:25 PM
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