Whoa, sister.

My sister just kills me. How consistently do you let someone neglect your feelings until you just want to scream at them? I know she is not as bad as some sisters, but lately, I can't really come up with what else she could be doing to be more insensitive to me.

I guess all my luck went into getting two brothers that are absolutely great. It is just when I am getting married, that I wish for a sister that actually takes part in my life and is kind to me. I love Al and Nat, but they don't necessarily work for a wedding shower, dress shopping, or being my maid of honor.

Okay, I am done now. Just needed to vent.

My Stand-up Career

I would love to say my students think I am funny(because I am in my head) but most of the time my humor goes right over their heads. WHOOSH and its gone. Maybe a smile from the smart kid who gets it in the back of the classroom, otherwise a few dull stares. Huh?

My favorite are the ironic statements I slip in that go unnoticed. An example is the advertisement that was in the paper that says with a hand pointing a finger towards the ground "your career starts here." I cut that out and now have it hanging on the white board. I laugh at it every morning when walk into the classroom. Yeah, pretty dry, most of them don't get it.

A few of them think the sign with a 1950's apron-wearing housewife holding a machine gun with "Ms. R. bans guns on the premise" is funny. Most of them don't get it.

So, I am happy to report that with three weeks left in the school year, my juniors are starting to hitch their wagons to the horse. Yep, giddy up kids. Today I had a few different comments that illustrated this phenomenon for me:

"Did you ever act, Ms R..... like in a theater? You have, like, 20 different voices. My favorite is when you do Ricky's" (yeah, that's mine too, I just try to sound extremely dumb, and I'm there.)

"Yeah, every day you are jumping around the room for some reason....I like the voices"

I overheard this one as I was passing out papers,
"It happened again... She says something really funny and no one gets it. Why doesn't anyone get it? It's hard to see through your eye lids, try opening them- that's so funny"

There were even a few that have started to giggle when I begin class with, "friends... neighbors... loved ones... please lower your voices..." or when I stand out in the hallway and yell to them as they approach, close to the bell, "one minute to learning!!!!" (They can't help but roll their eyes at this one.)

Then there are times that I don't intend for something to be humorous, and they're unhitched for the rest of the hour. A few of these...

"No, you do not need to create it on one of those tri-fold poster boards where your mom has to drive you to school..."

or in response to: "what movie are we watching?"
"The home video of your birth, actually." (huge response- yeah, I didn't get it.)

and of course, the obligatory,

"and then if you could please refrain from touching other people's privates-that would be super."

So, when this latest batch leaves, I will carry on alternately laughing and crying, on the INSIDE, and maybe some day they WILL get it and think back to my ironic bits of wisdom as they ask their own children, "can you take your hands out of your underwear when you are in front of others, please?"

Precious Commodities

There is nothing like a year of wedding planning to really make you think about money and consumer culture in the United States. In my view, the wedding industry is out of control. These companies have actually been able to shape the American wedding culture to make this family event more lucrative for themselves. Isn't it amazing that Brides take their cues of what 'ought' to be done, or the 'preferred' way of doing things from the same people that sell them the stuff? It reminds me that diamond wedding rings are a manufactured tradition in the United States by the deBeers diamond company, along with the 'three months salary' expectation.

Just spend an afternoon listening to radio stations in this city and you will understand (if you don't already). The guilt factor is high in all of the jewelry store ads targeted towards young men who are 'thinking of asking the girl of his dreams to marry him'. My personal favorite goes something like this, "Guys, you think the most important person's opinion of the diamond you buy is your fiancee? Don't forget about all of her friends and family and how they would admire a beautiful engagement ring [with a big-ass diamond]." I can just about hear guys shuddering when they think of the pressure of buying this diamond, with the money they don't have, for a girl with certain expectations because of what 'everyone else will think'. How has this private, special event become another way to exploit money out of Americans?

Anyways, I am ranting because I spent the weekend up North for my wedding shower. All this energy and money focused on me. I felt really horribly guilty and still do. I watched (and helped) my mom frantically clean, cook, and prepare all for this two hour stint of women coming over to wish me well and give me gifts for my wedding. While I was sitting in a veil my sister had installed, in front of everyone, opening gifts, a part of me felt like crying. First, I felt really embarrassed being the center of attention. Second, I felt that everyone was worried their gift wasn't right for the theme, or not 'enough', or stupid. I wanted to stop and tell everyone "I love you all. Thank you for coming. The gift doesn't matter. They money you spent on me is hard earned money. Keep it. You being here is more important to me. Thank you for your blessing and your support of my marriage. Your time and care is your greatest gift to me."

In the end, I had a good time at my shower. My gratitude to my mom, stolen bike, jff, bbarrell, and everyone that gave up their time to come is overwhelming. I just hope they understand this. I know I will struggle with the same thing at my wedding. How do you thank people enough so that they know that you understand their sacrifice and effort? How do you ever pay some people back in love and consideration?

Indiana Welcomes...

Baby Calla! Yippee! 6 pounds, 8 ounces, she arrived early Saturday morning to people who will be the world's greatest parents. Congratulations, family B! Here's to showing us how it's done! Can't wait to see you in July.

Forgetting to Remember

I don't live in the town I went to college, nor do my college friends live close to me(do they even get the internet down there in Indy?). I feel like often times I forget about my college life and interesting memories because the people that would remind me of those "adventures" are spread across the country. We are all busy having new lives in other places and don't make the time to revisit many of the details of undergrad as much anymore. Because of this, it is a fun surprise when items from my previous life just pop up out of no where. (Unfortunately, sometimes they pop out of my mouth, and I say things like "when I found the dead boy." ugh.)

Anyways, my most recent find is the Superman figurine (whose arms fly up with the press of a button) that I came across while reorganizing the basement. 'Sup', as he was affectionately called, traveled from Madison to Montana and back again with a group of us when we went out skiing for our winter break. He was in every picture we took and rode the entire trip on the dashboard of the van. I also recently found a list that E, S, Rach and I had made for what we were going to need for our first apartment on West Wash (Oh the days of mis-matched couches and mixed drinks in dorm cups). Oh, one memory leads to another, like the blue wrestling mat in our living room...mmm.

These are things I just can't bear to throw away. As much as I hate the mugs that say "I celebrated my birthday at Nitty Gritty" and the year (1996, 1998, 1999) they are the pieces of my college experience that can serve as reminders of the sometimes-forgotten parts of my past.

In Want of Water...

A story of three boys who died in a lake up north over the weekend made me sad.

I grew up sailing on the Great Lake with my Dad. When I was 17, he almost drowned because of an accident on the boat. It was just the two of us out there and I saved his life. Since that day, when I was pitted against the wind and the water, I shudder whenever I hear of a water accident because I was so close to being a part of one of those stories. I have always adored water, but now, it is a love that includes awe and fear.

Nevertheless, when spring comes around and you can smell the air and water, I begin to long for the feel of a boat and water underneath me. That loose feeling you have of not being on solid land is one that I developed a love for so long ago I cannot remember- that is, of course, after I got over being terrified of it (circa age 5).

So in honor of looking forward to more water adventures this summer:

"I never felt easy till the raft was two miles below there and out in the middle of the Mississippi. Then we hung up our signal lantern, and judged that we was free and safe once more. We said there warn't no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don't. You feel mighty free and easy an comfortable on a raft."
-"The Adventures of Huck Finn"