My engineer friend and benefactor

Towards the end of the summer, friend LH invited me on a work retreat up to the North Woods this last week. She told me very little about it other than it was to take place at a well-known nice resort, the dates we were to be gone, and that it was all expenses paid by her company.

Well, last Saturday- the night before we left, she finally confesses that this trip is a reward for good performance at work. A group of her peers nominated and then chose her to be one of twenty people to get an all-expense trip for her and a guest for 4 days up North. Sadly, her teacher husband had to be left behind, but happily she thought of me to fill in.

We had a great time. It was a beautiful resort, we had a big room on one of the four golf courses, we were wined and dined(probably too much judging by the scale), and we were given money to spend doing what ever we wanted. We played lawn games on specially manicured lawns, we went for a boat ride, we went horse back riding, we golfed the social nine golf course (I have to say we were pretty good for the fact that I have played about 5 times in my life and L had never- after 8 holes we got rained off the course), and we spent an afternoon at the spa.

Along the way, we talked to a lot of L's co-workers, we played electric fence as a team building exercise, our team won the scavenger hunt, we went on walks, we read, and we did some champaign drinking and watching *gasp* some TV in our room.

On the last night was the awards ceremony, and we had a fun dinner sitting with some of L's co-workers (my favorites except maybe the sisters and the twins). At the end of the evening, one of the head honchos in the company got up and presented awards to each of the people picked for the honor. Even though he read word for word off of a sheet while presenting them their awards, I found it really touching. I realized quickly that this was my favorite part of the whole trip. I was so happy to see these really nice people honored, but especially pal, L. She works so hard, does an amazing job (I got a tour of the lab and saw the crazy, complicated machines she works on before our trip-wow), and does it all in her very modest, wonderful way. She does things at work that I would never dream of.

I was reminded that it was through her work and her friendship that I was a part of a really great trip. I enjoyed all the benefits of her hard work and really, really enjoyed her company.

Waste-not, want-not.

The one thing I hate about fixing up the house is all the waste. I feel bad throwing out old counter tops, smashing vintage, massive cement sinks, tearing out old light fixtures: creating more garbage. I really do despair when I think of these things littering the landfill, taking up so much space, and being such a waste of money and materials that we will never recycle. Right now I have a dumpster full of guilt sitting in my drive-way and on my conscience.

This is all brought on by the fact that Husband and I are finishing our basement. In the end, this project will almost double our living space and give us a much needed second bathroom and extra bedroom. But of course, it all comes with getting rid of the old and buying the new...

So far, we have destroyed the laundry sink circa 1945 (sad, but thanks S and L), framed a couple of walls and a door, destroyed the concrete in the laundry room to move pipes around, hauled the concrete out, the plumbers have laid pipe, laid new concrete... and the fun only continues.

Today we took a trip to the Re-Use Center which is a place that is like a vintage clothes shop... only for everything you would ever use to build a house. Old toilets, cabinets, doors, windows, you name it. I suddenly felt better about throwing some of our stuff out realizing that it may make it to the re-use center. What a fun place- more things you could ever imagine- sinks in every color and shape- granite counter tops- doors of every size- like a great big garage sale.

I am really excited because today we left having bought ninety-seven 1 foot square tiles that we will use in the basement. Technically they are brand new, having been dropped off at the Re-use center by a contractor this afternoon (extras from a project). And the best part? We only paid $90. Buying the same tiles at Home Depot or the Tile Shop would be at least double the price we paid.

I was a little nervous buying the tiles, since obviously there was only one color choice and there is no bringing them back, but they will look pretty good in the basement. I had to remind myself that sometimes having a zillion choices just takes up time and energy- and that it can be good to have something to start with in terms of decorating.

Anyways, it is nice to know that in finishing our basement we can do some things inexpensively and that I am not just consuming when there are reusable items only a few miles from home! Hooray for the re-use center!

Personal Policy: Energy and Defense Spending

I have been reading a book called The Power of Full Engagement with the tagline: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal.

This is a required book for one of my classes related to work with organizations. I took one look at both the title and the cover and wanted to puke (similar to the effect that "inspiring posters" have on me). All I could think was that I might find this book in the "self-help" section of Barnes and Noble.

It turns out it has some really interesting ideas surrounding physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional energy and training.

Some of the ideas in it are especially relevant to my phone conversation last night with mk, in which she asked, "does the drama ever end?" when referring to the latest challenge in living a nice, quiet, zen-like existence (nut-ball landlord- who probably needs to be committed).

My idea is that people who don't take risks have very quiet lives, people who aren't seekers don't find amazing experiences or the drama, people who live their lives in constant pre-determined patterns like homeostasis may not encounter a lot of growth either.

One of the main ideas in the book is about growth requiring a combination of stress and then recovery, and then more stress, and then recovery, and then even more stress, and then recovery. Certain people are more able to move outside of their conception of normal, and therefore experience more stress, but also more growth:

"The willingness to challenge our comfort zones depends partly on our degree of underlying security. To whatever degree we are consumed by anxious concerns and attempts to fill deficits-for energy or material security, or self-esteem- we are less willing to expose ourselves to any discomfort. When there isn't must fuel in our tanks and our inner experience is that we feel threatened, we tend to hoard the energy we have and use our limited stores in the service of self-protection. We refer to this phenomenon as defense spending" [emphasis theirs].

This really made me think about the type of person each of us is, the circumstances surrounding us, and what it all means for the way each of our lives' unfold.

Living Loudly

Vivre pleinement chaque instant...a French saying for live out loud (or live to the fullest every second). This saying makes me think of people who do this and do it with zest: MK, LLC, AR, DocMI, my brother. I admire them because they are passionate, excited, and expressive people.

I guess I have to admit that I also admire some of this in myself. I have a lot of energy, I am passionate, focused, fiery, and willing to show my emotions. I go after things with my whole heart. I am willing to talk about my experiences- good and bad and really experience them.

I like being centered enough to know how I am feeling- and being confident to say something about it. I like that I know how to be myself in most situations and that I can leave it up to other people to decide whether they like who I am or not.

Last night husband said to me as we were getting ready for bed, and I as usual, was living loudly, "I hope you are goofy and willing to show it till death do us part."

It is wonderful being loved for who you are.

Mastery

I have recently read a couple of interesting books that I think have some value and will talk about in a few blogs. The first book is called, Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment. by George Leonard

It is essentially about, well...mastery. It is really about learning and putting in the time and energy to journey towards excellence while enjoying the process. Leonard discusses the challenges Americans have with working towards excellence in a culture of quick fixes, constant climaxes, and instant gratification. His discussion of the plateau in a learning process and the journey of growth is really interesting. A very quick read. Here were some of my favorite points from the book

"The early stages of any significant new learning invokes the spirit of the fool" (Mastery, p. 81).

Resilient Individuals. Leonard refers to resilient individuals as the following: who lead satisfying, successful lives in a complex world under difficult circumstances. They have good problem-solving skills, demonstrate self-discipline, are optimistic, recognize their strengths, and view mistakes as learning experiences.

Second Naivete. "How often have you censored your spontaneity out of fear of being thought childish? Too bad. Psychologist Abraham Maslow discovered a childlike quality (he called it “second naivete”) in people who have met an unusually high degree of their potential" (Mastery, p. 175).

"Generally, denial inhibits energy, while realistic acknowledgment of the truth releases it...Acknowledging the negative doesn't mean sniveling; it means facing the truth and then moving on. Simply describing what's wrong with your life to a good friend is likely to make you feel better and more energetic." (Mastery, p. 125)

"To be deadly serious is to suffer tunnel vision. To be able to laugh at yourself clears the vision. When choosing fellow voyagers, beware of grimness, self-importance, and the solemn eye."(Mastery, p. 139)

I'm-glad-you-were-born-day!

Birthdays, birthdays everywhere lately.

January must have been a busy month.

My mom's, Jff's mom, NS & Wyodude have all recently celebrated their birthdays. Today a special wish sent out to DocMI and Klick.

Happy I'm-glad-you-were-born-day to both of you lovely ladies.

I am grateful to have friends like you.

And to DocMI: I can now fathom myself turning the big 3-0, but somehow I can't believe you are turning 3-0. Maybe it is meeting you at age 12, but you will never, ever seem old to me. I mean besides, no one the age of 30 could be so gorgeous!

And to Klick: We'll party like it's 1999... or 2007- which ever you prefer.

Walking Around in the Dark

At night, I like walking around in the dark. When I get up for something, it is comforting to be able to find my way just by pure sense of space of where everything is with no help from my eyes. I guess I like the challenge of finding things just by touch--without fumbling around.

As I was sharing a morning chat and post-run coffee treat with LLC on Friday, I was thinking about the sense of moving around not with my head, but rather with my heart. It is true that since about April I have been focusing more on listening to what my heart says rather than my head. Sometimes I have to listen hard, or sometimes it is hard to follow, but it is kind of like feeling your way through the dark-- very rewarding when you find what you were looking for without fumbling around.

This spring, it was hard to resign my teaching job without being able to look ahead and to know what I was going to do, but I knew deep down I needed to do it. I am soooo happy that I did. I am reminded of that daily, lately, even while I have been on the picket line.

This summer when my sister had her baby and I was torn about how to deal with it, I just stuck to my gut. I wanted to see, know, and love the baby, but I knew that it wasn't right for me. Even though, I was horribly embarrassed and ashamed when people would ask me if I had seen the baby and I had to admit that I hadn't because of my sister, I knew that it was the right decision for me not to get entangled in it. I was reminded on Monday, when my sister sent a nice card with pictures of Emma in it that I had made the right decision. It was good to let her make up her own mind.

This spring and early summer I had to think hard about my girlfriends. What did I want that I wasn't getting? What did I need to ask for? Who made me feel happy? In just asking myself these simple questions, I started to make more of an effort to spend time with friends I enjoyed, doing things we liked. People's lights shine especially beautifully when you get to share things that you both enjoy together. It has been wonderful to enjoy the friends here, along with those that are far away, in very happy ways.

Most recently, I was struggling with an unknown future-working too hard to see, spending too much time thinking about the different ways it could turn out... Fearing I won't find a good job when I graduate, hoping that we can sell our house when it comes time to, essentially too much crystal balling. So as the weather has turned from summer to slightly more fall like, I have been reminded of the lovely present. How beautiful it is when the sun shines, how lucky I am to be able to run and do yoga, how lucky I am to be able to take inspiring classes and have them paid for by my really great job, how lucky I am to enjoy my time even though I might spend some of it writing papers and doing things I don't like, and most of all how lucky I am to have people who love and support me right here.

So Thank God for the dark, for a little less thinking, for more trusting my gut, and a lot less worrying.

Striking

In every job I have ever had, I have walked in during really nasty contract negotiations. Probably a result of a) state governments not giving schools the money they need to keep class sizes reasonable and b) the rapid rate of growth in health care premiums. So I am used to being told there is no contract for me to sign, hearing the negotiating team asking teachers to vote on different proposals, and talking about Cost of Living Adjustments (COLA's) with people who don't follow that you lose money when you don't move up each year.

Through all of that, I have never gone on strike.

Tomorrow morning at 7 am that will change. I am reporting to the picket line bright and early. I will not be getting paid, I will not pass go, and will not collect $200.

I will however be enjoying my freedom as an American to strike for better work conditions and better pay.

As a young girl, I remember being on the picket line with my mom. She was a speech pathologist striking with the other teachers at the elementary school I went to. With day care too expensive with no income, the other kids and I played in snow banks and make great forts while our parents walked around in a circle with signs in their arms. Occasionally someone would either honk in support or yell nasty things out their windows like, "Greedy Goddam Teachers!" I also remember someone bringing the picketers coffee and my mom being worried about money.

So tomorrow is my turn. No child in tow, but at the same time worried about money.

When a girl from another office told me today that if she were part of the union she is not sure she would take part, I told her why strikes have been so important in American History. I went on to argue that unions have been one of the most organized groups working toward and achieving social justice in the 19th and 20th centuries in the United States. I was appalled at her lack of political awareness as well as her lack of history knowledge. I was glad however that she is not a part of the union. I hope she likes it next year when the academy decides to not give her a raise and she and her fellow comrades are unable to do a single thing about it.

That is why we have unions, sweetheart.

Although I am the only person in my office as part of the union, my co-workers are all in support and have pledged to come visit me with treats out on the line. In my honor they all put on buttons today supporting the strike. It is times like these that I am glad I work with progressive, socially aware people.

I agree unions aren't always good, and in fact, sometimes they can go overboard protecting workers from any sort of accountability, but what is YOUR alternative? If the workers are out there fighting, but meanwhile paying out of pocket for medical care and not recieving a paycheck, it is not just for fun. It means they are probably getting treated badly.

So support your local strikers, because it could be you next.