Logged In and Engaged

Yesterday, I got an email from an old friend with an update on his life. I was so happy to hear from him that everything in his email seemed so touching- it was so pleasant to read. After I read it, I kept thinking about the things he had written in the email. Puzzling over some things I hadn't realized and understanding others by seeing them happen in my own life. The email was just one of those where you wish you lived closer so you could sit down over a leisurely cup of tea and hear more about a person's life and answer the questions about my own life better.

Email's neat paragraphs-for-breivity's-sake fly against my sensibilities. I have questions, I want to know, I like deeper knowledge. Engaging with people is where it is at for me. When I die, I will think of my most favorite moments being those where I am totally with people- enjoying watching their eyes while they talk, thinking about the things they say while also gazing beyond.

Anyways, in the end, the life update was just real. Part of it was happy and parts of it were sad. But I valued it because it was deeper than sharing only the exciting, good things and got at the questions of life that we all (or most of us have) but rarely put out there for only but our closest friends.

Near the end of the email my friend wrote:
"If you feel confident about yourself, take a moment to observe it and think about it and appreciate it. I hope it never abandons you...it's frustrating to try and get it back once you've lost it." A comment that made me feel sad for him, but one that also gave rise to an expectation that things would turn up for him-- Also a comment that had me thinking all last night about what I am thankful for. Good friends and communication where on that list.

Experiencing Flow and Building Psychic Energy

A really interesting quote below from a book called Good Business by Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi, a guy who has done a lot of research into a concept he calls flow. This is a state where challenge AND skills are high, where you lose time and are not distracted by anything else, where you are so involved in what you are doing, you essentially lose yourself to your activity. He has written several books: Optimal Experience, Creativity, and Flow. All of them interesting, but the idea and state of flow can sometimes be difficult to identify because not all really great experiences are completely "flow" in nature. I have just begun to identify my own periods of flow (some obvious and some not so obvious), in no particular order: playing ultimate frisbee, reading a good book, writing, teaching others a challenging concept, having sex, sailing, and puzzling. I wonder what all that says, but no matter...

In his latest book, Csikszentmihali discusses flow in the work place and in one's personal life. His advice: gravitate towards what you are good at and what brings about flow, challenge yourself, and engage in activities where you can judge your own increasing skill.

“Psychic energy is consumed when the attention we invest does not produce any change in the mind- when no lasting memories are laid down, no new skills develop, no relationships are strengthened. When a person uses up a fraction of his life and nothing complex results from it, he is wasting psychic energy. By contrast psychological capital is built up when the attention invested results in a more complex consciousness- more refined skills, a fuller understanding of some subject, a deeper relationship. This usually takes place when we use our skills to confront a higher level of challenges- in other words, when we experience flow. These are the kind of investments of attention that will bring returns later in the form of an improved quality of life,”(79).

It would be interesting to me to find out where other people find flow and psychic energy. Rock climbing or works of art are most often talked about in the books. Where is your flow?

In The Nick of Time

Last night, post-frisbee was meant for homework- Nothing else. An important paper due Tuesday- must do work. After a pretty non-social weekend dealing with mini-crises around here, I was tired of the house and lonely for outside interaction. But I was ready to forge on, I was expecting the usual quiet Sunday evening.

So at the end of a great frisbee game (which was pretty fun), we decided to head to the bar during a weak moment. In a great moment of serendipity I ended up in a really fun conversation with some old and some new friends. It was so great we ended up there for longer than just a beer- I mean conversation was flowing. I found a fellow lover of movies at the Riverview and was invited to join. Homework, what homework? I can whip out a paper in no time.

I returned home with new resolve to really do my work. That was, until I got the message on the machine that my mom wanted to drop off something for the kitchen, and oh, by the way would John and I like to meet our niece?

Once the baby was gone, I settled into the couch with the laptop ready for the some crunched, but very serious work time. Unsuspectingly I answered the door to realize that home-improvement guru and recently engaged (!) friend was there to advise on the basement. We talked basement and weddings. It was so fun to catch up it totally made the work I was NOT doing worth it.

Normally, I am not a procrastinator. But the stars were aligned last night. There was to be no work done, only a reminder of the wonderful people I am surrounded by and the great way that just when you really need something: it happens. Even getting my paper done tonight!

Fall Chatter

I have been busy as of late- putting in extra hours at work, running events on Saturdays, staying faithful to a more rigorous exercise regime, building a basement in our free time, and seeing friends when I can... that leaves very little time for blogging, not to mention yard work or cleaning the house.

I just got an email from Indy-friend. He and his wife just spent the last year having a house built and doing some of the work (while living with a toddler!). I had to laugh because along with pictures of the new house, his message said, "sorry I have been so bad at communicating, building a house takes an amazing amount of time and energy". We hear you, the basement alone is enough.

In other news, we went to the Martin Sexton concert last weekend. Not his greatest performance, he had a cold, but great venue and some amazing songs. We were about 6 bodies from the stage, it reminded me of some of the venues I saw him at while I was in college. The heartbreak of it all was that LLC was in the crowd alone and we managed not to communicate (including an email sent to the wrong address) about the fact we were all going- so we missed each other.

Life around the neighborhood has been interesting as of late. A young couple with a baby moved in about 6 months ago. We have been talking to them since they moved in, but as baby Amelia (cutest baby ever) has gotten older, they have been outside more. It has been great fun running into them while on our runs/walks around the lake or while we are all outside. Talk of social events have begun and I am realizing how fun it is to not just have neighbors you talk to about the cat or when you are going to be gone, but to be good friends with.

So, off to a dinner date with friends. A rare splurge for us as we invest most of our income into the basement project and as I was just on strike for three weeks. I did take heart though, recently, as read a study that said that in the United States and Canada there is no correlation between increased disposable income and happiness (and in fact it may be the opposite). So here is to being frugal, but happy.

My Friendly Ghosts

My students: the ghosts of my former life.

I adore these ghosts, but I have to admit they take my breath away.

While I was on strike I got an email... "Was that you on the picket line? Why did you leave teaching? What are you doing at the University? Do you want to know about my life?" A former student doing amazing things.

Yesterday, I met another former student for lunch. When we talked about her graduating in a year and a half- I was speechless. This girl that I met when she was a tiny sophomore in high school, and watched grow to graduate from high school, is now a junior in college. I felt briefly as a parent would-"they grow up so fast!" And as I told her yesterday- she surprises me by how grown up she is- beautiful and intelligent, I wanted to hug her.

While A and I were at lunch, we saw another of my former students who stopped by to talk. She confidently told me about her triple major and how "I am much better student now", now a senior in college. Still the same, but a little more mature.

As we were finishing up, A finally said, "I have to tell you something sad... Do you remember ____? He and I dated briefly and he was in your class the year before me...He killed himself." I really couldn't breathe.

All I can picture is a blond boy that was so sweet and smiled all the time. I find myself wanting to channel him...you had so much life in front of you, you worked so hard in my class, and I loved talking to you... I am know I am not alone in that. It is hard to hear that you lost someone you hadn't really known recently, but that maybe you should have. His ghost has followed me around today in my mind.

It made me realize how much I don't want to lose those amazing ghosts that appear everywhere, their lives continue to enrich my own, even if I get a little spooked once in a while.