New Toys

Last Friday we bought a new (used) car. We are now the proud owners of a 2008 Subaru Outback Wagon. It is charcoal gray, has heated seats, a built in roof rack, and it is really fun to drive. When I was in high school I drove a old Subaru wagon and loved the hatch back, and I have to say that I am still incredibly taken by the "fifth door". I have already used it for diaper changes while we are on the go, the stroller fits in beautifully, and it is a perfect way to travel with gardening supplies, outdoor equipment, and home improvement goodies. I think we will love that car, especially in the winter time. After a very long and drawn out decision making process (that included a very complex spread sheet thanks to husband) we didn't find the perfect combination of fuel efficiency, cargo space, and comfort, however, we did end up with a car that we like a lot until there are better options on the market.

So in the Subaru today, I tooled around the south metro. Visiting my sister, going to my step sister's garage sale, and visiting the in-laws. We returned home with some great new (used) toys and for Benjamin from the garage sale.

New toys for everyone!

People watching

Last Saturday Husband, Baby B, and I ventured out for a walk and a picnic by one of the lakes in the city. The weather was absolutely spectacular- lots of sun and a great breeze. The sailboats were racing on the lake, people were out paddling, swimming, walking, biking, and roller blading. We found a shady spot under some great trees on the northeast side of the lake near the rose garden where we spread out our blanket ate, napped, read, people watched, and played together.

Throughout the course of the afternoon we watched as set up was taking place for a wedding ceremony among the roses across the street. We saw the wedding party milling around in their brightly colored dresses and nice tuxedos, the old fashioned car for after the wedding, and the bride and groom posing for pictures near the gardens.

As all the walkers and bikers went by, they would remark about the gardens or maybe the wedding that was going to take place. Then, as the time for the ceremony was near, people began to gather just off the walking path, near where we were, to watch as the bride processed in and the ceremony got underway.

From where I sat, I couldn't see the wedding but I could see all the onlookers. It was really fun to watch the group grow in size, the people stand quietly and most with big smiles on their faces. No one crossed the street or tried to go anywhere near the ceremony, they just stood and watched from afar with great happiness for complete strangers as they got married. I found the whole scene very touching. It just seemed so marvelous, so friendly, and so happy. I don't know why, but it really made me feel good about people- that they are inherently good, that they do delight in each others happiness, and that we really are social creatures. It is great to know that people revel in each others happiness and that weddings, although they happen every day, are still sacred events to most people.

A Day in the Life

Since I don't do much other than baby lately, here are some pictures of what we have been up to...

 

The only way I garden lately... with Benji along for the ride. Although, when it comes to relaxing on a blanket by the lake, Benji is a pro. Looking at sky, tree branches, and leaves provides hours of entertainment.

Lately, we do a lot of swinging which means that Benji swings and I quickly do any of the following, (sometimes at the same time): shower, eat, laundry, use the bathroom, change clothes, or pick up the living room.


Bath time has become almost a daily thing around here- it generally follows a diaper blow out, a large spit up, or a fussy spell. Benji is a fantastic swimmer, most of the time doesn't pee or poop while we are in the tub, and will even patiently let me shower after the bath while he sits in his bouncy seat in the bathroom.

We do a lot of snuggling in our PJs- even though now that the weather is nicer we are spending more time on walks outside by one of the lakes (most of the time NOT in our PJs), every day involves a lot of loving and snuggling.

Sleeping... I would love to say this is a common activity at our house... At night: not too bad. During the day: rarely are we willing to sleep without constant companionship.

We do our fair share of laughing and smiling...

We also do our fair share of expressing our discontents...

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the ENORMOUS amount of time that we spend feeding (as evidenced by Benji's CHUNKER status), but I don't need to show you a picture of that.

Overall, we just do a lot of hanging out.

The Mommy Network

At the very beginning of my maternity leave, I confessed to my mom who was helping us out with Benjamin, "Mom, I don't know if I am going to be able to stay home for the whole summer..." I was nervous about taking care of Benji all day everyday by myself, especially while during the first week it took three adults to keep this house going (and I was still exhausted and overwhelmed!). I felt a little worried about being lonely or feeling isolated in my house daily with my little bundle of joy (and constant need).

Today, Benjamin is six weeks old. Time has flown. Now, instead of worrying about staying home, I worry about how to balance it all when I go back to work. I think of all the things that I could be doing during the day instead of being at work (don't get me wrong- overall, I do want to go back, I just want it all- work and time with B everyday). In the time since I worried about being isolated at home, I have discovered what probably a lot of people already know about: The Mommy Network.

This is not a website, no it is not a phone tree, or a twelve step program. It is the unofficial, just under the radar, collection of activities, things, and people that function to be a stay at home mom's social network. Don't get me wrong, everyone's is different, and you do have to make some efforts at finding it, but the shocker is that it is there for almost everyone that looks. I didn't think I would have one, or access to one, and I was very wrong. With very little effort, I now have many things, friends, and activities I wish I could continue doing come this fall when I will back at work full time. Here are some of my recent discoveries:

• Mom and Baby Yoga Bonding Class: A new yoga studio opened up a few blocks north of my house and this is a class that is being offered. Benji and I went to our first session yesterday. Not only did I learn a lot of different ways to massage and soothe him, but I learned a lot of poses that he and I can do together that will help me get back in shape. The best part? Other mothers and babies to meet, an instructor who is also a mom and a doula and is very connected to the natural community, all of this in my own neighborhood. Most importantly, Benji loved it. He was very calm during and afterwards.
  
• Walking Dates: My friends CS and I started walking around our respective lakes together last week and it is really great. Last week we got to talk and stroll around my lake and on the way home, we ran into our other friend heading out to the park with her 1 year old. We stood on the corner of my street- a gaggle of strollers and boy babies, catching up, soaking up advice (me), arranging to share hand me down clothes and gear. Then a few minutes later another mother on the block came down to talk professional opportunities with CS and join in... And I thought I didn't really have that many friends with kids... Several friends have disclosed that they are expecting their second!(yikes!) 
•  Mom and Baby Class: This is a discussion group offered through the hospital where I delivered and it is for mothers of new babies. It is designed for new moms to share discoveries and more importantly to ask questions of each other and the facilitator. There are a lot of things that are personal discoveries about your own child, but there are also many things that are helpful to hear about what other solutions people have found. It is nice also to hear that other moms feel generally as clueless as I do at times.
  
• Coffee Shop Dates: There is a coffee shop a few miles from my house that has a really cool play area for young kids. Because of this, moms flock to grab a cup and meet other moms and kids. I met another friend who is a mom for coffee here the other day. It was really fun to be able to watch her young one, feed Benji, and be out with the predominantly mom crowd all while we chatted and drank. It felt so fun to be able to go out to a place that was very kid (and mom) friendly.

I like that in the last few weeks of being at home my days have changed quite a bit. I am much more able to get out (by myself) with Benji and we now have a lot going on. I feel slightly guilty at times that he is napping in the car or in the Bjorn as we are out and about, but in the end, I think what they say is true: the secret to happy babies and kids is happy parents.  It is fun to feel like there is more to my life again than feeding a baby all day long, but also not going back to work yet.

Neighborhood Watch

Last night, as husband and I were on a neighborhood walk with the boy, we were musing about all the beautiful tree lined streets in the area where we live. Although not notable during the winter without leaves, in the summer around here there is this beautiful green canopy along the boulevards that provide nice shade and a great neighborhood feel. I love how this gives the area where we live a historic and established vibe and the trees are just plain beautiful to look at.

Sadly, now both the Ash and Elm trees are falling victim to strains of fungal diseases that spread quickly along neighborhood blocks. As the trees are cut down, massive stumps, with diameters of up to 4 feet are left behind on boulevards leaving an unsightly bare spot along the street.

As we were walking, I noticed that these stumps a few blocks from our house had recently been ground up into mulch. Although the stump was still there, it was just cut away until there was a trench about 2 feet deep where soil could be filled in and grass will eventually grow. I was so interested in this (many of the crevices were really big and I was curious how they were cut up) and was delighted to see new trees planted near the old stumps.

Today when Benji and I returned home from meeting a friend for coffee, I saw this truck pull up with what looked like a giant saw blade in front of our house. I realized with excitement that it was going to grind up the huge, ugly stump (with millions of suckers growing out of it) across the street. This is the sort of stuff I love to watch!

The guy driving the truck got out and with a remote control (fun!) guided the saw blade into the stump. It was amazing (and great fun) to stand out in the yard and watch this massive tree implement kick up dirt, grass, and tiny pieces of wood from the stump site! The noise was terrific, the dust was being blown all over, and the force with which that blade dug into the wood and dirt was breath-taking.

The whole episode made me wonder who designs tools like that (brillant) and if in another life I was meant to be a landscaper...

It takes a village...

Several months ago, our friend, neighbor, and unofficial community organizer KK approached us with a question. "Would you want people to bring you meals for a while after you bring the baby home from the hospital?" A group of people had done this for her family after they had had their little girl and she thought it was a great idea. We didn't know what to expect, but we agreed that if our friends were willing, we would accept the help.

KK spearheaded the meal effort at my baby shower, creating a sign up sheet for the month of May. For everyone that signed up to bring us a meal, Katie communicated with them about foods that we had wouldn't/couldn't eat, as well as reminding people when they had signed up. Right before we had the baby, Katie gave us a list of people who were bringing us food.

When KK first showed us the sign up sheet, I was blown away.  There were so many people that signed up! Neighbors, friends, couples that we knew had chosen a time that they would like to share a meal with us. I was so flattered, I didn't know what to say. I was worried this was a big imposition for people and didn't want them to think that we expected them to do this. Most of all, having never had a baby, I didn't know if we would need a whole month of meals.

A month later, we have a baby that is now over four weeks old, a refrigerator and freezer that are completely stocked with food, most of the pyrex dishes in town waiting to be returned, and two well-fed new parents. Over 20 families/individuals have brought us meals...some more than once. Many people have brought over meals and joined us for dinner, some people have dropped off meals and stayed to see Benji, others have invited us over for a meal. We have had such great food: many different versions of "comfort food", a great variety of salads, some good pizzas, amazing desserts, and overall many different dishes that we have never had before.

Overall, the meal plan has been nothing short of absolutely wonderful. Like most things related to pregnancy and having a baby, you don't realize until AFTER you have experienced it what is helpful and what is not. (Note to self: Meals for new parents: catalogue as HELPFUL and NEEDED. Will do for others.) It has been so nice not to have to worry about what we are having for lunch or dinner on a daily basis. It is one less thing to worry about when Benji is refusing to take a nap or when time gets away from us and it is already dinner time. Because I am breast feeding, I am a walking hunger machine, and knowing that there is always something prepared in the refrigerator, is AWESOME.


Beyond having food for dinner that we haven't had to cook, seeing everyone has also been great. In the space of four weeks we have seen so many of our friends. Although we don't get out as much as we used to, it is really nice to share a meal with close friends, introduce them to Benjamin, and have some semblance of what our life used to be like for a few minutes.  It also has felt good to share our new existance with those friends that aren't quite there yet; those that we know we don't want to lose touch with. Being new parents can be isolating, especially when you are used to leaving the house a little bit more often.

I am always busy contemplating community and how to more actively create community among people. I like it when people share ideas, resources, and support each other. I think one of the greatest gifts that our friends, especially KK, but everyone that has brought us a meal has given us is the sense that we have a support network and that people are genuinely there to contribute when we need it. Thank you to everyone who has in some way shown us your support. It makes me feel so glad to be able do this for other people when I get the chance!