Wishing you were HERE...

The upcoming "special day" is making life pretty hectic around here. It is amazing the kinds of silly details you feel compelled to worry about- it is as if you will be graded and need to make everything the best possible. I have to keep reminding myself that no one really cares, nor notices all that much what you have done or what choices you have made. Besides- who cares what people think- it is OUR "special day"... Anyways.

Since I haven't really had time to write, I thought I would stick in a couple of anecdotes that have reminded me that life goes on no matter what kinds of decisions I have made about my wedding. (warning... this is a long, meandering post.)

The first anecdote is that a good friend of mine, who I lived with at the end of college and actually stood up for in her wedding, let me know that she wasn't going to make it to my wedding. (I have to admit, I am sad about it.) She just had a baby (three weeks early) and he is colicky. She is getting no sleep, is afraid of traveling all the way here from Ohio with the baby, and finally decided not to come when she thought of getting kicked out the hotel because of the baby crying all night long. (Incidentally, she told me that one night recently when the baby had screamed for three hours straight, her husband laying in bed, said, "it is astounding to me right now that there are more than 6 billion people in the world.")

So Karen is not coming to the wedding. The next best thing happened the other day, though, and this reminded me of a lot of the good times we did have. Part of the time I lived with her she was planning her wedding (which I learned a lot from), so almost every day the UPS guy would stop, I would sign something, and she would get boxes from Marshall Fields, etc. with great gifts that she had registered for inside. Two of the things WE ended up using the most before she moved away with them, were the "Stir Crazy" popcorn maker and the Rice Cooker. Many a night we would end up with a big bowl of popcorn between us, after going out, and that would be our late dinner. So naturally when I registered for gifts at Target these two items went on the registry immediately. I had never really thought about buying them for myself, but the possibility of having them to use again was all of a sudden really exciting.

So the other day, my doorbell rang. There on the front porch were boxes from UPS- the Stir Crazy and the Rice Cooker. The note on the inside said, "Sorry we can't make it to your special day. We hope it is perfect. We wanted to send our love with two of the most often used appliances in our kitchen- as you know. Happy eating and enjoy! Love, Karen and Chuck"
It made me realize that even if they won't be there, at least their thoughts and wishes will be.

The other anecdote is really just an email I got a few days ago from two former students that have emailed me periodically since they graduated my last year teaching at NHS. I liked the email from them for the same reason I liked the gifts and thoughts from Karen. Knowing that they are thinking of me, wanting me to know what they are doing, and sending some humor along with it really brightens my life. Here is the email, (altered to disguise real identities of course)

Well hello there Kloumr! Kal and I were just letting you know that we will
be happy to attend your special day. (If it hasnt already happened, and if it
has we had a great time!) There is no need to worry, appropriate attire will be
worn. Kal has gotten line tattoos on her legs to make sure her skirts and
shorts are always long enough. They look really nice. Enough of this horseing
around (serious about coming to the wedding though). I had a great time at
school, Arizona is just the place for me! I've decided to go into optometry
even though the political world is calling my name! haha! Kal is going to
school at A**** in yourcity this summer, saving the world one bad hair cut
at a time. We have an apartment together about two blocks from her school, also
very close to/////. The summer has been going pretty well for both of us.
We hope everything is going well for you with your new job and relaxing summer.
Hope to hear from you soon!

Bynn and Kal

P.S. We think our invitation got lost in the mail so if you could just send it
again that would be great.
315 University Ave. SE APT# 555
Somecity, SS 55555

Often times I am sad that I have lived in different cities and been involved in so many different groups, taught at different schools, etc.- it feels because of that, that I am constantly moving away from people that mean a lot to me. I guess even going to such a large university where I came into contact with people that ended up moving all over the country post-college had the same effect. When I think of the friends that K and I made in college, together or separately, none of them still play a really big role in our lives- they live too far away and have moved on with their lives just like we have- in our own places. My fiance, on the other hand, like most of his group of friends, grew up here, went to college here, and settled here, with little or no experience not here.

Although I am glad that I have lived in other places, sometimes I see the benefit to that arrangement of staying close. You really know where you live, your family is close, your friends from college (and high school) all live right around you- you don't really have to start over again. All the people that matter the most to you are around (a few exceptions, of course.) I really have come to love the social network that exists from Jff's college days. I sometimes even wish I had gone to that college, just because it would be more fun to have been really a part of it and to be there for the stories I have heard thousands of times. When I examine who is really apart of my life and my wedding now, it is the people that live here, the people I see almost every weekend, the people that Jff has known since his college days. There is something really comforting there.

Either way, I guess when I think about my wedding and the people that are well wishing from around the country, but won't be there, I am finding ways to be glad about it. I am happy that I have had such a chance to know and to really enjoy so many different people that are doing so many different things now. Although they may never be apart of my life here, they will be sending Stir Crazys, Rice Cookers, and emails in honor of our previous lives together and wishing me luck in my next life change. I think that is good enough.

Wearing the Pants?

I remember learning the phrase of "wearing the pants" in a relationship when I was in college. I was stunned by the clearly sexist sentiment, but also by the fact that people actually had a label for that in a relationships. Since then, I have never thought about my dating relationships the same way. I was annoyed to be the 'skirt' and being tugged around(waiting for the phone call...), but I also hated dating men where I was clearly the pants wearer (boring and annoying).

Thank God I met a man that is willing to share with me. That is probably what took me so long to find him.

I was thinking about this tonight as I watched a good friend interact with his gf from TX. What a nice girl! Wonderful sense of humor, cute, and smart. Way to go Liason(a.k. a. Slummy)! You are two peas in a pod and seem to share the 'pants' easily- at least from what I can tell.

It so fun to see a friend so happy in a vastly different relationship from the past.
Yippee!

Popularity Passing Contest

I'll admit it- I am a stickler. I have high expectations of my students, the best description of my social studies classes is probably "rigorous". I take my job seriously to prepare students. I want them to know information, how to use it, and how to do things like take responsibility for themselves, how to meet a deadline, and how to generally be a good citizen.

My teaching philosophy, because it is so strong, makes me either loved or strongly disliked. Most students like a teacher who has high expectations, who wants them to learn, and is dedicated to what they teach. There are also, however, the students that dislike my agenda and the fact that I am a little too much like their parents. What? Me? Don't disrupt my nice little cozy place of laziness and rudeness. I like it in here.

As a teacher, I prefer to be liked. It is much more fun that way.

So one of my students got a 14% in American History third quarter. I loved this kid. He loved to discuss things in class, he wanted to know more, he asked questions all the time. However, you almost have to WORK at getting that low of a score in my class. Maybe that was the problem- he sort of wasn't in my class most of the time. He was a senior from Minneapolis North and he had other things going on. So fourth quarter he started coming to class almost everyday because the threat of truancy proceedings. Still no real work production, but presence is good. He moved his grade up to a 50%- improvements were happening, but we didn't want to rush anything...

Recently a counselor approached me, here is the resulting conversation (boiled down a bit):
Me: "He is failing American History"
Him: "He needs to pass your class to graduate."
Me: "His combined average is about a 35%"
Him: "Many of his other teachers are passing him"
Me: "He must have done the work in those classes."
Him: "If you don't pass this kid he is going to end up on the streets of Minneapolis"
Me: "I can work with a 50%, but this kid didn't even turn in his project worth 70 points this week. I care about this kid, but what can I do, I can't lower the standard that much?"
Him: "Well, it is up to you, but keep in mind, I am begging you"

He did this about four more times with me, enough to make me bluff this student's project grade, enough for me to help him on a test, but not enough for him to make it past 42% in my class.

Decision time. Students comes late the final exam. Two days till graduation. He seems in no rush.

I decline to pass the student. The student still walks for graduation but has to take summer school to make up mine and another teacher's class. The student tells me he understands, that he just didn't do the work. I am guilt-ridden. I like this kid, I don't want him on the streets...

At Graduation, I see one of the other teachers that had this student in class. I ask her if she passed him, she said, "I felt like I had to, the Counselor said he was passing every other class." Right then the counselor walked up to her, gave her a hug (with his back to me) and then proceeded to walk right by me with out saying a word. Oh my. Are you serious?

Am I really being snubbed for upholding academic honesty? How could I, after convicting four of my students for cheating, cheat on a grade that much? In the end, I couldn't do it, but the sad thing is that I thought about it for awhile. I didn't want my high expectations to get in the way of being liked at work. After leaving school today for summer vacation, I realized that I left at least still liking myself. Maybe that is a little more important.

Mish Mash

My friend DK is in town tomorrow, she hasn't been here since I bought my house. I am excited for her to see where I live. Plus, she promised she would bring her needles and so I will hopefully get my usual accupunture treatment from her. There are many reasons why I wish we lived in the same city: she is an incredibly reliable friend, she and I take terrific walks together, and of course regular accupunture treatments for my IBS would be divine. D is also such a great person for reminders on perspective, she maintains fairly simple ideas and talking to her about things always helps me to remember what is important.

Tuesday is the 'last' day of school for me. Then, I will be free, FREEEEEE, until the end of August. It really is mind boggling to think of not having a job for three months, but it seems eerily normal after such a short time. It also gets pretty busy. There are so many projects that get pushed to the side during the hectic school year that I take care of during the summer. It also gets filled up with fun. I feel okay about that since I work as much as a forty hour weeker would in one year, in nine months. This is how I figure: an average work day for me is 7-4:30 with a 25 minute lunch break. 9 hours. I then go home and usually work another 2-3 hours at night. That is four nights a week. Sunday usually would be about 6-7 hours of solid work. That equals about 55-60 hours a week when there are no special projects to grade or chaperoning to do. So when you add all of that up, I work 2,080 in about 34 or 35 weeks instead of the usual 52.

I am wondering: do I write thank you notes for "end of the year teacher gifts"? A couple of really nice gift certificates that I feel guilty not even thanking the families for, but it also seems a bit strange to write to them personally about their gift. I am sure miss manners would say suck it up, so I will.

On the topic of manners, our reply cards asked guests to REPLY by tomorrow. I guess 40 or so people haven't read that part yet. I know it is hard to keep track of that stuff and some people are still waiting to figure their situation out, but it is also about being polite to those planning a wedding - there is enough to do without calling for individual's responses and food choices.

I caught another kid cheating yesterday during my final exam. I have so much proof, yet still the student refused to confess and the parent refused to believe that her child was guilty although he was just turned in for cheating on a test two weeks ago. It is amazing that the kids was actually able to be so convincing, I even started questioning myself until I remembered what I saw and what I found.

Second wedding dress fitting tomorrow. Ten thousand thanks to friend LH for bailing me out. Even though I think I could have done it alone, it would have been pretty sad being amongst the 10 person entourages in the waiting area of the dress shop by myself. That is the part of getting married that makes me feel a bit lonely. I wish for a mom in town instead of guiltily asking a friend for valuable time on a Saturday morning.

Last thought of the evening: double standards make me angrier than just about anything else can. I get riled up about small injustices and this fits into that category. This bugs me especially around sports where it is seen as more "appropriate" for guys to be competitive and vocal. The problem with these mores is that you often know they are occurring but addressing them and holding people accountable for them is the most difficult part. They are often not expressed outloud or directly, because things like "Dude, get your woman under control" are clearly rude, but other comments, meaning exactly the same thing, fly under the radar all the time. Last year at frisbee when I called a foul on another frisbee player and then later in the game called a pick, a guy turned to John (and at least he didn't know that we were dating), he said, "oohhh, she's a mouthy one"- unfortunately I heard it. I can only roll my eyes when I still see this guy now with his uber-passive girlfriend who sits on the side lines and WATCHES his frisbee games.

Irony: Legislators explain character education

I was both gratified and horrified by an article in the Newspaper this morning, “Tell the Truth. Be on Time. Don’t cheat.” It starts out with, “All are life lesson most would agree [Our State’s] kids need to learn. At home. At church. This year, the Legislature decided [Our State’s] schools needed to do their part in helping students become better citizens.”

Oh really? Up until now, it would have NEVER occurred to me that a) character education might occur at school b) that schools have a stake in the type of students they turn out and c) that our students might really need it lately.

I liked the quote from Hoffman, a K-5 social studies specialist in Minneapolis, “I don’t need a curriculum to do that… I don’t think you can make kid have integrity by teaching the word… I think the teachers consider it to be part of their responsibility and professional competence to know how to help kids develop their character.”

I don’t think the Legislature needs to mandate schools to teach “character education”, I think schools and teachers already teach character in a thousand little ways. The law makers just need to allow teachers to do our job- unimpeded by parents and bureaucracy. If character education were mandated, there would be so much haggling over what type of “character” should be taught it would take a thousand years wrapped up in a meaningless partisan battle. (i.e. see current social studies standards for our state…now there’s a success!) Teachers would end up with a neat little packet indicating to us what “benchmarks” in “character education” we needed to infuse into these kids with the expectation that we trump all other influences in their lives.

The first step in character education is to find some way of giving that neat little packet of “benchmarks” to parents. Number one should read as follows: You will not teach your offspring anything by trying to make life overly easy for them. Advocating, excusing, or lying for them when they make poor decisions will only prompt more of the same behavior. At that point you are essentially modeling behavior for them that you don’t want them to learn. Case in point this week at the High School:

The Weekend: Grading projects on Vietnam. Find that a few of my students had seemingly “borrowed” a few paragraphs from websites to put in their paper. They must have “forgotten” to let me know that they themselves didn’t really write that part… No big deal, because at least they wrote their name on the top of the paper- that was original thought, after all. Plus, they had done it over Memorial Day weekend, how could I really expect them to slave over a paper they had put off until then? There was money to be spent, liquor to be drank, and fun to be had- there was no way I really expected them to forgo instant gratification and work for something, right? I mean that is soooo totally unfair.

Monday morning: Hand papers and corresponding website print outs to administrator. Start Academic Dishonesty proceedings: Zero on paper, suspension, etc.

Monday afternoon: Several phone calls to parents, meeting with students, meeting with administrators.

Tuesday morning: More meeting with administrators, it seems one of the students when shown her/his paper was confused how s/he wasn’t allowed to have used some one else’s information (yeah, and I just fell off the turnip truck yesterday, too)-was I sure s/he knew the difference between plagiarism and using information?

Tuesday morning: (while supposed to be teaching class) Counselor of one of the “borrowers” tries to explain that s/he deserves some considerations because this has never happened to him/her before. Maybe we can work something out…

Tuesday morning (still): Meeting with Parent and Administrator (while my class is hanging from the rafters and watching The Price is Right on TV) Parent of said student is angry that we are penalizing this student for an honest mistake. S/He just forgot the quotation marks or the citation in their paper. (Yep, and I forgot I was holding up a gun when I took that money from the bank). Can’t I just take a few points off? I am being too harsh. I am supposed to be teaching kids to learn, not suspending them so they cannot. (Yep, then let me go teach my class right now and let me teach your student, and apparently you, a lesson about personal responsibility and character- by the way, for that there needs to be consequences, not entitlement.) Dad the enforcer doesn’t win, he is furious. Who has said no to him lately?

Tuesday late Morning: Dad sends in the principal to talk with me. We talk. The principal and I talk about how I didn’t cheat, the student actually did. We also talk about how I didn’t set the board policy on academic honesty, the School Board actually did.

Tuesday Noon: Mother of said student calls and berates me for being a horrible teacher and, by the way was I fired from the last school that I taught at? Why is this my first year at Edina? Do I have something to prove to her student? It was really only a sentence that s/he forgot to cite. Her other child did this at college and only got a few points off from the professor. Why wasn’t I being more reasonable, more understanding? I had to hang up the phone after the woman couldn’t control the extremely rude and disrespectful things she was yelling at me over the phone.

Tuesday Afternoon: Several more meetings with administrators. I was congratulated for hanging up on said mother.

Wednesday Morning: Meeting with principal again. Re: Must turn in final exam of said student once it is graded. Parents are worried that I will grade meanly now that they have done everything to me besides send a sniper to take me out and he has to have something to prove them wrong. (That’s right. There is no professionalism within teaching. It is about vendettas, favorites, and secret hand shakes.) The parents are worried, of course, that I am as dishonest as… well… their student, and… well, as they are.

Funny. Luckily for them and society at large, I was brought up by a family where truth and responsibility reined supreme. I went to a school where the teachers were professionals and the students were the ones that had something to learn. I went into teaching to make this world a better place, not to get rich, to have a big title, or to be mean to students for the hell of it.

I come to work every day to teach. Teach kids history, teach kids how to read and write, teach kids to analyze, and yes, to teach kids how to tell the truth, to be on time, and not to cheat. I can do that when other people let me: be in the classroom, enforce consequences, and let students learn from both successes and failures.

When students leave my classroom for the last time, (as my seniors did today) I want them to leave knowing how to work hard, how to give of themselves, how to take chances, and how to be honest and real. Not to lie, cheat, and steal just to get where they want to go. It would be great if some parents around here saw it the same way.

So I will end my rant with this: the state legislatures should start by telling parents to get on the stick and start helping teachers and schools to do what they have been doing all along- educating their kids in subjects AND in character.