Thank God for Thanksgiving

Now that I have posted my cathartic "I hate the holidays" rant, I should give thanks for my Thanksgiving. It was fabulous.

After a weather-stricken drive up north on Wednesday night, we hung out at Dad's house, had good dinner and caught up with brothers. Jff brought the wii, which of course was the after-dinner entertainment. I also helped NE find primary sources for his report on the Constitutional Convention (it pays to have a sister that taught government). A brought his friend TJ home from college with him. I have known TJ since A was a freshman so it was fun to see him.

Jff and I stayed up at the cabin alone, had some quiet time by the fire, and enjoyed the absolute silence that was there. Thursday morning we woke up late to a beautiful frost covered, super sunny day outside. We went for a run and enjoyed the crisp winter feel- lakes are already frozen!

We made it back to Dad's in time to have lunch and spend time with the fam. I snuggled on the couch with the dog and read most of the day while the boys played wii. Later on in the day, Dad and I went for a walk and I ran into a friend who I knew from high school and college. It turns out she and I are back in the same place-both working at the U. It was fun to reconnect.

Dinner was good, I even got into the sweet potatoes this year. Comic relief came when brothers had to share the piano bench so there were enough seats, those two are a little like oil and water (in a good way) and never fail to amuse. Pie was my favorite this year- cranberry and apple pie with vanilla ice cream. Yum.

By the end of the night we had grandma throwing cows on the wii (this is a travesty that we don't have a picture of this). We left late to spend the night at the cabin. A and TJ joined us and I got a chance to really engage with A about some of the things he is wondering about: college majors, his job, and life in general.

All in all- a great Thanksgiving. Thank God.

Holidays: True Confessions

I am going to say something and I hope it doesn’t shock anyone too much…

Here goes: I hate the holidays.

No this is not because I am a heartless person who doesn’t like giving presents, no it is not that I don’t like Christmas trees, white lights on trees, or Christmas Carols, no it is not that I don’t like festivities or the touching yearly rituals.

I feel like I need to explain:

It is purely that holidays are always about family. As much as that is nice, for me, it is also complicated. Literally, since I have been 1 years old I have had two families, and therefore holidays have always been “unique” and… stressful.

Yeah, I know… Why should I complain? Twice the love, twice the presents, and twice the family traditions, right?

Well… there is also the constant traveling, the constant decision making, and the lack of a constant. Always the feeling that you are never with everyone you would really like to be with. (So far, the only two days of my life that I have had everyone that I love together in one room were my college graduation and my wedding.)

When I was a kid, my parents fought over who “got” me for holidays. Whoever I wasn’t with, I always felt was kind of hurt that I was with the other parent. I hated the obligatory Christmas Eve call, where I had to stop what I was doing, and find a quiet place to call the other parent, always kind of feeling like I was missing out on one thing or another. Never feeling like I was in exactly the right spot, or fully a part of either family.

As I got older, the decisions were all my own, which usually just made it more difficult. I struggled to make everyone happy (this is not only past tense). Once I got a car, part of every holiday was traveling around. It got really hard to afford to buy gifts for not four people but rather 10 people or more depending on who was going to be at various celebrations. I was constantly trying to accept traditions of both families, trying to find meaning in them all. I was always wishing that I had a real brother or sister to cross the family boundaries with me, because, it sure got lonely being the only one who had missed that great time, or didn’t get as nice of presents because I was only a “part-time” daughter.

As I have become an adult and gotten married, the old family pressure about holidays has only gotten worse. Now with three families in different geographical locales, our holidays now involve intense “talks” with each family about the “plan” for the holidays. My mother, who revels in Christmas as though it is her own personal holiday, becomes the Christmas Devil of the North. She alone determines where Christmas is, who gives who gifts (this year only families with babies receive gifts- and if you haven’t made it to that stage-oops, you’re out), and other various details. If you are not there, it is a personal insult to her- the other 364 days of the year don’t count

So, this year for Thanksgiving we decided that people could be mad at us if they wanted, but we stayed the whole day at one house. We relaxed, we had fun, and in the end, felt like it was a real holiday. At age 30, I think I may be done trying to make it all work for everyone else. I might be ready to try making the holidays work for me.

The Door Not Opened

I generally consider myself a smart girl. There are only a couple of things that make this hard to believe. One is my problem with choosing the wrong restroom door. No the symbols don’t look similar and the words “women” and “men” are not confusing... There is just something about being on a mission- thinking more about going to the bathroom than about where I am going- that causes me, on occasion, to end up in the wrong room.

What are those porcelain things on the wall and why are men....???? ABORT MISSION, ABORT MISSION. TURN AROUND AND GET OUT NOW!

I will admit that there has been at least one time where I ended up in the stall before I figured it out. It happens most in gas stations, but has also happened twice at school (most awful), and once at a drinking establishment (most explainable).

So tonight, on our trek up north, we stopped at the gas station. As I walked into the store, the guy ahead of me held the door open for me. He was younger-probably in his twenties and wearing a hat. I noticed quickly that we were both headed to the restrooms. I got a little confused as we BOTH passed the men’s room and walked into the women’s. I almost warned him, but then at the last minute I was afraid that I might have not looked closely enough, that "he" was a "she".

It only took a second before he turned around and looked at me with a very confused look on his face like, “why did she just follow me..?” And at the same moment that I knew he was not a woman, he knew that he had just taken the wrong exit. As he was mumbling in embarrassment, the ABORT MISSION light started flashing in his eyes and he sped past me, out of there. I could only look at him apologetically and silently appreciate it hadn't been me this time.

Catch-Up

I have been too busy to sit down and do much blogging. Too much fun I guess.
I sympathize with friend, mk, which is why I am blogging tonight instead of emailing her back (I'll catch you tomorrow, sister.)

So, I feel an update is in order... We are winning the battle of the fleas- was it the vinegar in the cats' water?(thanks, mk), the second dose of Frontline? The three baths? The carpet cleaner we got for our wedding? or maybe the 3,000 loads of laundry? One may never know, but Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Hey, Hey, Hey....Yippee!

Sadly, last weekend at a bar with friends, I lost my favorite scarf that I had just gotten. I think it slipped off the back of my chair and then when we moved tables, someone just took it. I felt horrible for losing it, but I went and bought the same one again this last week. This is no time to be scarf-less. Anyways, I know the person that now has it is going to experience some pretty awful karmic moments, since they stole it.

It was overall a fantastic weekend: weekly running and coffee date on sunny Friday morning, not much grad school work, dvd's of my favorite guilty tv show that I recently found out is also a favorite of LLC's, night in with husband, favorite "hot dish" for supper, good decision made Saturday morning- stood up to mom while on her holiday tirade, finished the last of fall yard work and got everything stowed for the winter (this felt great!)...

Saturday night we went to the Frida Kahlo exhibit with friends E & J and they took us out afterwards to a fancy dinner at Cafe Lurcat. (This was for taking care of their cats a while back and I think the fancy-ness level of the dinner was in direct relation to the poop-mergency we encountered one morning while they were away- thanks, guys!) A fantastic time-excellent food and good conversation. On Sunday we went on outlet mall with friends and found great success- including new flannel sheets for a steal, new shirts and ties for my now nationally-in-demand husband, and great Christmas presents.

In other news, we owe some thanks to friends A & G for telling us about a new device that has made our cats much more friendly to each other. It is a plug-in with a scent that only cats can smell. Essentially it is cat face-pheromones in a diffuser- these are their joy pheromones that make them feel calmer. We can't smell it, each plug in lasts a month, and things seem much calmer around here. Even though Nora still attacks Leo and there is the occasional "discussion" between the two of them, they will actually sleep near each other and have entered into a bed sharing agreement. It is a break through!

The basement work is going slow, a small wall needs to be moved, and after all this time without a washer hookup, the washer now seems to be on the fritz. Overall, though it is exciting to have the bathroom and laundry room completely framed in.

Now, it is home for Thanksgiving. The week at work flew by and I even made it through my really important, nerve-wracking meeting this morning. Hooray! Jff and I are staying at the cabin as our little get away (and also because the house is full) but I look forward to our time in front of the fire, all alone, in the snowy north. Hooray for snow during the holidays.

The Year in Review

Every year at this time my aunt sends out an email with a simple plea: "send me pictures for the family calendar- and adhere to the deadline- don't make me have to beg at Kinko's". That email sets into motion a frantic process of reviewing the year in pictures, organizing them and re-organizing them, and lastly sending a digital copy of one's calendar page to my aunt Lynda.

This tradition started about 15 years ago when my grandparents refused to accept anymore Christmas gifts. They had everything they needed or wanted, except time with family. Although we couldn't be there as often, we hatched a plan to keep them more connected. My mom and two aunts bought them a computer with which to email us (not a big hit), and we came up with the idea of the picture calendar (a huge hit). Each family got four pages- usually distributed in a similar manner: each grandchild (6) got a page, each daughter (3)and their spouses got a page, and then the whole family got a page.

Each Christmas my grandparents would open up the calendar as the first gift of the night on Christmas Eve and we would all gather around, jostling each other for a better view of the ONE published copy of the calendar.

As the grandchildren have grown up, the adventures depicted are grander, we now share our pages with spouses, and great-grandchildren have come along and taken over whole pages. It is now common place to hear things like, "Oh, that should be in the calendar" or "that one's going in for sure" at family functions.

The calendar, much awaited, highly anticipated, and much speculated about, has become the family's version of the release of a new video game system or the outcome of American Idol. It's big.

Sadly, my grandpa is no longer around to open it each year, my uncle no longer graces us with his calendar commentary, and my grandma can no longer see or really even understand much about it, but it remains an important part of the family. Now each family, including all the cousins get a copy of the calendar and open it simultaneously. It is quiet for a few minutes while everyone looks, and then comes the laughter and the exclamations of things like: "I didn't know you ran a race this year!", "When were you in San Francisco?, and "That is the cutest picture of her!".

Tonight as I started the process of doing the year of pictures in review- trying to pick out the most interesting, fun, and funny pieces of the last 12 months- I really thought about this tradition. How special it is, how sad it is that Grandma can't see it, how much it makes me miss seeing pictures of Grandpa and Uncle Don, and mostly how glad I am we keep doing it.
There is something to knowing that no matter if it is Eric and Tammy in South Carolina, Dave and Dana in Seattle, or my parents in Duluth- everyone of us has the same calendar hanging in our kitchens- watching the family go on adventures, change, and grow throughout the year.

Grit and Fleas

My last year in college, my roommate and I found what we thought was an ideal apartment in a beautiful leafy neighborhood near the stadium. Unfortunately, when we moved in, we found out we had extra roommates. They were all named cockroach. All 185,000 of them.

I became adept at killing bugs, always careful where I stepped, what I did without the lights on, and where I left food. Eventually the little old lady who lived below us began bringing in help and the cockroaches went away, or at least began to be more polite about keeping to their part of the house: the walls.

It is experiences like these that gave me some of the grit that I am so proud of. Mice running through my former classroom- no problem. Dead bunnies or baby squirrels that the cats bring home- interesting to look at. Many leeches sucking on a foot- I am good at this one. Ticks- child's play. Snakes- weird, but as long as they aren't as big as I am- okay with me.

Most recently, our cats have given me the privilege and challenge of tackling another pest: fleas. I now know them intimately. I know about broods, flea eggs, their life cycle, and how they look in each phase of that life cycle. I know what they look like when they are dead, when they are in my bed, when they are in the tub after giving the cats one of many baths, and also what they look like when they are sliding down my body when I am in the shower post-cat bath. I know how they jump, how to find them in the cats' fur, how to vacuum every inch of this house, and how to wash everything that is even remotely fabric in our house. At this point I know everything about them.... except... well, really how to get rid of them.

I know we will eventually win the battle - I someday will no longer be itching my ankles like I have a have a rare and incurable disease, and wondering about every little black spec I see, or worse, feel. But until then, I have learned to treasure the moments where husband and I are in the bathroom with our cats laughing hysterically- soaking wet from head to toe, flea combing the cats - engaging in a sort of play by play commentary of each one we find, and in good humor calling Leo, Flea-o.

So bring it on. At least I can laugh about it, AND now know that someday as a mom I will be ready for anything and be totally tough.

The deadline is 11:59 pm Sunday... all life decisions must be turned in by then

Tomorrow I am faced with writing a paper about "what I want to be when I grow up", the steps of how I am going to get there, and what motivates me to be there. I have no clue what to write.

I am being a bit facetious...but not entirely. The paper is for a class I am taking this semester called Designing Professional Futures, I know, I know it sounds like a fluff class... (this is when you check your notes on what my masters degree will be in and shake your head). But really, this class is pretty amazing. It is based on the premise that there are eight extremely important qualities for people who are going to be successful today and especially tomorrow in the work place. The class is all about developing those qualities through intensive dialogue with classmates and outlining a program for yourself in finding jobs that are top notch, really fulfilling, and that continue to nurture the eight qualities. I have a feeling I will look back on it and think it was one of my most applicable classes in grad school and I have had amazing classes.

So, it is not that I don't know what I want to do with my life, I just don't know how to describe it or where exactly to find it. When I first began my job at the Center I thought it would bring more clarity to my search for meaningful community engagement or educational work with youth. As with anything that is really good for you, the Center has only widened my vision, only provided me with more that I didn't know existed, and with more ideas of what I would like or be good at. How to narrow it down? How to decide? I think in the end, it will be the job, not the "career" that I go after. But still, what do I write in that paper?

To complicate the issue this week I was:

• formally offered a position on the board of an educational non-profit, focused around experiential environmental education in local schools.

• asked to team-teach an undergraduate class in the spring with a professor in the leadership minor program (it was proposed as such- "could we buy some of your time from the center? You come highly recommended". This would increase my time to full time... When to take classes?)

• asked to run a pilot program of citizen organizing and oral history gathering for the Center connected to our current major initiative. (essentially increasing me to full time- again, full-time student?)
  

• prompted to add to one of my research papers I wrote last year in order to publish it in conjunction with the Center (it is directly related to some of our ideas about our youth work).

• And, oh yeah, the grad school wants to know what I am taking for my last semester of classes and what my focus of my thesis will be.
  

These are all amazing opportunities and great challenges, but offer me tough decisions about where to invest my time, which path to take, and how much to think about the future and how much to think about now. How to figure it all out? What opportunities to jump on and which ones do I hope to find another time?

But enough of all the big picture stuff and the pondering of a "path"-this is grad school- the paper is due electronically by 11:59 pm Sunday.