A Good Start.

Tomorrow Jff and I are heading North for a family visit and a Memorial Day weekend in the promised balmy weather by the Lake (wrong). But on the bright side, the weekend has already started off well and it is only hours old:

-Finished really thought provoking book, "The Pact" by Jodi Picoult.
-No work (powerpoint or otherwise) this afternoon
-Constructed a cabinet/pantry for the basement by myself.
-Reorganized small area of basement
-Met friend LH for a fantastic-spur-of-the-moment drink and had a superb time.
-Came home to find pain-in-the-butt-canoe project complete thanks to Jff and consultation with mechanical whiz, LH.
-Finished all planting of vegetable garden and flowers.
-finished deck railing- it is almost complete!
-cleaned up garage
-solved a major problem with the dehumidifier and the hose
-and most of all- spent some wonderful time with husband.

Really, just about everything I love: good projects, good books, some hands on, hard work, getting things done, friends, good conversation and good wine, and of course, macaroni and cheese (not kidding- stick some veggies in and it is still pretty fantastic) and of course time to enjoy the person I married. Yippee! Bring on the rest of the weekend.

Free 'Party' Dress to Good Home

In my head, I said to myself, "Oh, I forgot about this," as I opened the last unpacked cabinet at school. "What am I going to do with the old prom dress?"

It seems very fitting that my favorite prop as a high school teacher is an old prom dress.

This isn't just any prom dress either, it is:
-seafoam green
-metallic
-fitted with a huge bow on the back
-complete with large amounts of tool in a puffy short skirt
-has a sleeveless scallopped top

So, in other words, this dress is circa 1986. I found it in the lost and found several years ago at school. (Oops! I lost my prom dress). It is the same sort of fancy relec as the powder blue tux that slummy is known to wear to various weddings.

This dress just stays at school and when things get especially dry in history class, or if there is a lot of gossiping about prom going on, I will just slip into the seafoam monster and teach with it on for a while. It is perfect: it is loud, crunchy, ugly as hell, and doesn't zip all the way up. It also looks fantastic over other clothes.

The best part about the dress: it drives the kids nuts. "Was that your prom dress?" or incredulously, "Where did you get that dress?". My all-time favorite was when I was demonstrating the dress for the students and I tripped over and fell into the recycling container. Student still talk about that ALL the TIME.

So what am I to do with the prom dress? Could I ever go back to high school teaching without it? How would I make fun of prom, myself, and the 1980's all at the same time? More importantly, what would I do with it in the meantime?

Party dress, anyone?

Moving Out

I have always thought there is something very therapeutic about having to stop and reflect backwards on what you have done, learned, or created.

The process of packing or unpacking pieces of your life can always be a good catalyst for consideration and metaphorical movement. They are always the signs of endings and/or beginnings.

As I am packing up my classroom, and in a big way my teaching career, I am coming across pieces of myself and my learning process over the last nine years. Pieces of curriculum from Madison where I student taught for a year in a high school, and a semester in a middle school, and subbed for semester. From Milwaukee, my first 'real' teaching job. From Southern Minnesota, classes and materials I treasured. So many things learned. And now the last two years in the 'burb.

At times and with certain materials, I am throwing out with reckless abandon. Thinking: "Oh, I hated that unit." (pitch), "God, that took me forever to put that together" (pitch), "I have been lugging this around forever" (pitch), and "How will I explain to husband why it was necessary to store this in our crowded basement?" (pitch, most of the time.)

Then there is the other stuff. The pieces that will be vital if I ever decided to do this again. The articles I have collected for years because they are so much better for having the kids read than any text book, the activities I have made up and modified over the years, the binders of materials that guide me through units that have taken years to put together well. The collection that almost no one that knows me (aside from my students) ever sees. These are the things that contain valuable hours of my life: blood, sweat, and tears on my part.

The other night when Jff and I were down in the basement- he was working on his computer (shocker), and I was dealing with organizing the many crates of files and misc I had already brought home from school. While I was moving stuff around, husband made the off-hand comment of: "that is so much junk". I knew he was referring to the shabby look of many of the files and other things I have used over and over again and the sheer amount of it, but I couldn't help thinking to myself that all that "junk" represented a huge part of my life and accomplishments over the last nine years. I thought about the importance of the papers, artifacts, and binders as I gingerly placed them in a file cabinets. Putting them away, and not knowing if I will thank myself for saving them, or come back to it in two years and laugh at saving it.

The final category of stuff I am packing up, are the reminders of time and career well spent. The sign the crazy girls from AP World History made me my first year for homecoming, the binder of Thomas Friedman stuff that another student made for me as a gift, the "bling" the senior girls awarded me with two year ago, the "coach" shirt they made me before I coached the powder puff games, the political cartoons, movies, and books that students have presented me with, the letters, the cards, and emails from former students finding success in life.

The hardest to pack up are all the memories and names of students who have taught me valuable things, including that I made a difference for them over the years. I keep thinking to myself- if I can just do one thing- it is to remember that I have done something important here. Something valuable and made up of every thing I have inside of me.

About a week ago, I was walking through the hallway during passing time, on my way out for the day. I waved hello to a student I had had last semester in American History.

"Hey, Mrs. R-, (as the kids are still fond of calling me) do you miss me in class?"

"I do, actually, _______,"

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that I miss having you as a teacher,"

"Really?, Wow, I am flattered. Thanks."

"Yeah, I didn't realize how much I learned until this semester where I have not learned a thing... Mr.____ is sooo bad, we do the same thing every day and it is so lame."

"Really? That surprises me... are you guys just creating havoc? Third hour gave me a run for my money last semester, I mean you know..."

"No we are actually good this semester because most people just sleep in that class."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you know_______ , well she and I sit next to each other again and everyday we say things oh, man, R_ would never have put up with this. I mean you really made us work and now I am glad because I actually know a lot.... You should just keep teaching the way you are, because you made me think and it was cool (yippee! Learning= cool) Plus you were fun, I liked the cat stories you told, well... like every morning. (she smiles- I turn slightly red- I don't tell them stories every morning.)

And the conversation went on from there, and I left school that day glowing. How do you pack that stuff in a box? How do you keep track of those things in your life and past that really matter?

I guess, hopefully, by occasionally unpacking it and spreading all that junk all over the floor, picking it up, remembering and reveling in it as pieces of yourself. Thankful for what you learned then and what you have learned since then.

Where has the time gone?

Last week and this week were supposed to be a couple of weeks of rest and relaxation after a nutty semester doing grad school full time and teaching part time... No grad school, a lightened teaching load now that the AP test is over, and a wrapping up of various other things had me planning afternoons in the garden and evenings with husband and friends.

A combination of factors have intervened, and I am again feeling like I am doing far too much time planning in my head in order to get everything taken care of. How does this happen to me?

The first wrong turn was thinking that building a new deck this month would not be that big of a hassle. See old one partially taken apart. We had been talking about this forever, and it was so easy to go and buy the wood! I mistakenly kept thinking that it was some wood and a few screws and we would be done. Viola! New deck: no longer worried guests will fall through old deck, a staircase to the ground, better for parties, an improvement on the house, a benefit for perspective buyers. All good.


Although it has been a fun project, it has become priority number one around here. Instead of doing much else, I am running interference for husband while he works on the deck constantly. Who knew a deck could be so much work? This last weekend after finding that the carriage bolts we had used to attach the 4x4s to the planks were not threading with the nuts, we had to pull out the bolts, take the railing down, and I returned to Menards to get new ones. What followed was the low point of the weekend. I was sitting on the floor of Menards, realizing that almost all the carriage bolts they had had been machined wrong, so every bolt I was going to buy needed to be tried first. With a clerk, I spent at least a half hour screwing on nuts to 6 inch bolts while Nelly Furtado sang "Don't turn out the lights, don't turn out the lights..." and listening to "Save big money, save big money, when you shop Menards..."

We have had lots of help on the deck and for that I have been very thankful. S. Kos has been project booster number one and has shared so many hours helping on the deck. In sharing him with us, LLC deserves a thank-you also. Klick, slummy (pictured here as gay German carpenter-notice the obligatory beer in the tool belt), and others have provided moral or technical support.

Last weekend, LLC and I ran the Melopomene 5K race together and that was fun. It benefited a good cause- a women's health organization. We had done some practice runs and ended up exceeding our expectations on race day. Although, I don't think I caught the "racing" bug that is coursing through the clan, it was a good experience. I liked the excitement and the camaraderie that surrounded the runners. I think all agreed, though, that the best part of the day was the breakfast out afterwards with our race spectators.

Another endeavor that has been keeping me fairly busy (and somewhat annoyed)is a consulting job that I accepted with a publishing company for the summer. I am writing supplemental materials- mostly powerpoints- for a government book. Although at first this sounded like a great idea, as well as lucrative, I am now rethinking as it has begun to feel a little like quicksand. There are so many details that I had not really thought about like all the copy write, fair use, technology issues are a pain in the ass and I am beginning to feel like I am blazing a new path for this company. I have already had to stop and renegotiate my rate and duties once, and I am more and more suspicious about the time this is going to take. But I did say I wouldn't sign a contract until after I finished Chapter 2 since I am wary of my own lack of time and their lack of organization or adequate support. Sometimes I am annoyed that I feel the need to do more and take advantage of so many things. Why not occasionally let an opportunity pass me by?

May has not been all toil and no fun though. The softball season has started and I really like our team this year. We are playing in a new league that seems a better fit and after having some issues with remembering how to bat last season, I am finally again hitting like I know how. Frisbee also starts this week and summer league is always so much fun. I am looking forward to meeting our team, although I don't know if any team can surpass the great team we had last year. We have also had some fun gatherings around the fire pit in our backyard. Pictured here, the best I could do in the pitch black. I have also been busy catching up with friends that I didn't see while I was frantically writing papers. Last week I met friends AT and klick out for lunch and this week it is girly happy hour at an outdoor patio location.

So as long as the weather stays beautiful, time at school continues to fly by, and Leo decides to do no more suicide stunts (story forthcoming), life should even out a bit here. I am just praying for a little bit of time to relax and catch up on all the things I have wanted to do since January. In the spirit of more time, I did turn down a job working with Upward bound this summer and am hoping that it just seems like it will busier this summer than it really will be. Hey it could be worse--I could be planning a wedding!

Environment Matters

One of the classes I took this semester asked us to design something that we wanted to work on in the future. I designed an alternative school focused around civic engagement, wellness, and sustainability. I wrote about 40 pages on this school and much of what I kept stressing, aside from the major focuses of the school is that ENVIRONMENT MATTERS. And so does CHOICE.

As I set out in a new direction, I am relieved to see ideas like this classroom making it to schools. And thanks to the Star Tribune for reporting on it. Kids are our greatest hope for the problems of today and the solutions of the future. We can't afford to treat them like cattle and build windowless, uninspiring barns for them to learn in.

Send your thoughts northward...

I feel silly once in a while thinking that no matter where I go in the world, I will never love it quite like I love the wild areas of Northern Minnesota. It seems small minded, simple, or presumptive. It is absolutely true.

There is nothing that makes me feel more comforted than the site of familiar trees, leaves, or rocks that I spent my youth around. There is nothing like being on a lake in the Boundary Waters or being in the middle of the cool woods on a hot summer day and smelling that smell. My writing does not do the sense or the way it makes me feel justice. Suffice it to say, that that is where my heart is and always will be.

The news of fires burning along the Gunflint Trail greeted me like a sucker punch Sunday. After just visiting parts of the blow down region last summer, I feel devastated for so many reasons. I really admire people who live there and eek out a living some how. This is horrible for them and many, many others who rely on that small part of the world. I feel terrible for the loss of beauty and senseless destruction. I feel for all the animals killed or displaced by the fire.

My friend mk who is very connected to the people and the area, has an excellent post on the fires. Please check it and send your thoughts, prayers, energy, karma, lucky pennies or anything else they may need to the Gunflint region of Minnesota.

The "Dean" Scream

As many of you know, I teach politics to 18 year olds. Well at least for one more month, I do.

Today, I completed the AP audit, we did the final review session, and Monday is the AP test. The end is near.

This is where a little goofy turns to out right pandemonium. If the requests to have class outside weren't intense enough prior to target:AP test, hold on to your hats folks- here it comes.

The thing is that right now, I am afraid to roll my eyes like usual. Because I can't help thinking I will miss it. So right now I am just doing a little bit of soaking-it-up. And a little bit of choking up.

I am leaving teaching. I don't know if I ever thought I would say that. As relieved as I am to maybe have a little bit more of my life to myself, I am sad. For part of me it feels like a failure, the other part is just honest: I will miss the kids.

Somewhere in the beginning of the semester--when I was talking about media spin and gave the example of the Dean scream during election '04 -- it first happened. A devout Republican in my class belted out THE scream. We all laughed and moved on.

Then it started to happen every day. Usually in response to a particularly sassy comment on my part or when I was chastising them for more talking than learning. It usually draws a smile and further sassing on my part. Occasionally, it draws threats.

They have vowed to do it every day now until I show it to them on Utube. It is a battle of wills at this point. I have the upper hand since I know it won't stop once I do show it to them anyways. Plus, they know I think it is funny.

The scream is here to stay.

However, there was no scream yesterday when I told them that I had resigned. Just a lot of questions and some sad looks.

Tonight as I was chaperoning a performance at school, I myself was feeling sad. Sad for leaving so soon, sad for not knowing when I would again (if ever) be able to watch my students perform, sad for all the unfulfilled potential that this job had held for me just two short years ago, sad for knowing how hard that job is for me.

Former and current students who came to talk to me during intermission were wishing me well and dishing about the upcoming test.

Then, when the lights went down and there was a lot of screaming, I heard it.

The "Dean" Scream--just for me.

Oh, the gifts they give.

Semester Two, Check.

After many, many hours at the computer, I am now done with my first year in grad school. I just finished writing my last paper for a class that is the whole reason that I am attending grad school.

The professor was amazing- I can't decide what I learned from more- what we did all semester or just watching him facilitate our class. Our class was also excellent- we really turned into a community over the course of the semester, I will miss each of them so much as I continue along with what I am doing. After my under graduate experience with learning communities in the education department, I keep thinking they really will be there the whole way with me. I guess it is just that strange mixture of excitement to have finished something(the papers), but not have wanted it to totally end(the experience).

Now a two week break until I start my next grad school adventure. Yippee!